Last Day of School & Seefood

Tabby is auditioning to write for Guardian Liberty Voice and recently posted this piece on food selfies and bullying.

Naturally, I took this opportunity to troll her Facebook page, because that’s my language of love.

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If you know me, hostility and aggression shouldn’t bother you at all. You should get good and worried when I get quiet and docile. That’s when shit is about to get real, which means you will never see me again.

Anyway, today is the last day of school for the boys. I officially have a second and fourth grader!

Super Second Grader

Super Second Grader!

I know he’s moved beyond the first grade because he has learned to tie his shoes AND rock the hula hoop!

This one won’t learn to tie his shoes out of sheer defiance, but he did master his times tables and is reading enormous brick-like books.

Fantastic Fourth Grader!

Fantastic Fourth Grader!

The last days of school are full of fun events. A friend reasoned that it was to end the year on a good note so kids are psyched to come back.

Last night the boys went on an organized bike ride to the Valmont Bike Park, AKA “The Bone Yard”. It’s about a three mile ride, way farther than anything they’ve done so far.

Testiclese just got a new bike with hand brakes, gears and a big wheels. He also has a tendency to meander and act like a squirrel when he rides.

I was, how do you say, terror stricken?

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It went surprisingly well, even though I sounded like a harpie as I shrieked, “STAY IN YOUR LANE!” the entire time. I kept waiting for a professional bike rider to cream him as they silently passed us.

Today I spent running from event to event to prove that I am an involved mother that loves her children. I think the ramped up social schedule of the last week of school is to get parents excited for a break.

I cooked up about a billion burgers at the park which almost ended in a grease fire disaster and then high-tailed it to the school to help supervise the 1st grade party.

You can’t tell but I still have my bangs and eyebrows which is nothing short of a miracle because all the American cheese that melted off the burgers dripped into the grill got that bad boy’s thermometer pegged at 600+ degrees (it couldn’t go higher) and flames were shooting everywhere.

It was terrifying, even for me.

Testiclese's teacher and I are wearing the same pattern! Everyone thought that was hilarious.

Testiclese’s teacher and I are wearing the same dress! Everyone thought that was hilarious, only she’s 6’2 and is 6 months pregnant with twins and we wear the same size but whatever.

I’m feeling optimistic because I am very superstitious when it comes to eggs and look what one of my girls laid for me today.

If this bad boy isn't a double yolker, I'll eat my hat.

If this bad boy isn’t a double yolker, I’ll eat my hat.

It’s practically a goose egg! I can’t wait for breakfast!

Did I mention a product review? Oh yes, I did.

Loony brought home a ginormous citrus squeezer that I am sure will make Cushie green with envy. I mean, they can make margs with the squeezer we gave them, but this bad boy will do grapefruits.

Or will it?

Should I toss it? What do you think?




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