Technical Difficulties

I have a date with a Genius at the Apple store today.

Good times.

My Macbook Air is great, except for that first part where I couldn’t get the friggin’ wi-fi to work. I take a copious amount of videos and it was filling up my internal drive so I went to the Apple forum and followed their directions step-by-step.

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Just like that, I had more hard drive space!

Recently I have been approached by a couple media groups that want to license some of my stupid pet videos and split the great torrents of revenue with me 50/50.

Right now I’m getting 100% of zero dollars so what do I have to lose?

Will this video make me rich?

Probably not, but I signed up anyway. Part of the deal is that they want me to upload the original high-res version directly to them. But when I searched my iMovie for it, it was gone.

Yes, I had the external drive plugged in. A bunch of other stuff was wonky about it and updating my version of iMovie made everything worse by a factor of 100.

Stress levels. Elevating.

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I pressed pause and made an appointment at the Genius Bar. I’m gonna let them figure this shit out rather than making it worse on my end.

I have everything backed up so hopefully I can go back in time (as promised by Time Machine) and find my videos. I’m going to try to not dwell on what it would mean if these videos are lost. I don’t give a shit about the cat and dog stuff, but my videos of the kids?

I’m starting to see the advantage of VHS.

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You can’t wipe them off the face of the planet with a keystroke. The same goes for photographs although I never want to go back to the days of cardboard envelopes full of duplicate shitty photos.

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Remember this shit?

I’ll be emptying my bladder and packing a lunch before I go so I don’t suffer like I did last time.

I’m ticked about the timing of this because a friend of mine wanted to do a photo shoot with me today and I had to cancel.

I love his work and the experience is strange and intimate.

He took a funny picture of me that looked like a cross between a gorilla and Gloria Swanson but I can't find it.

He took a funny picture of me that looked like a cross between a gorilla and Gloria Swanson but I can’t find it.

He’s also a professional photo retoucher and one day I want him to take a picture of me in a bikini and make me look like Jessica Alba, pre-babies.

Or better yet, George Cloony’s fiancé who I was all excited about because she’s a human rights lawyer and the first picture I saw of her made her look normal and I was like, “Go George! Way to pick a woman who is NOT a supermodel!” but then I saw this photo.

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Yes, I have this photo of Amal Alamuddin on my desktop. To torture myself.

Just because she’s gorgeous doesn’t detract from her intelligence; but once again, I am knocked out of the running for future Mrs. Clooney.

But when Andrew photoshops my head onto Amal’s body, I won’t be like these ladies who volunteered for a professional shoot had their photos retouched so they will look like cover models.

They’re all, “But it doesn’t even look like me!” and “Who really looks like this?” and “Once you take away the imperfections, then there’s not much left of who you really are.”

What part of “We’re doing professional hair, make-up, photos and retouching so you look like supermodel,” do they not understand? Were they expecting something else?

I’ll bet you a billion dollars they used the end result photos as their Facebook profile pics.

Me? I’ll be all, FUCK YES! I LOOK INCREDIBLE! WOOT! and showing them to everyone I meet. I mean, why not? I’m 42.

But 42 is fan-fucking-tastic when you pole dance. I felt as awesome as a supermodel last night when I pulled off this combo in Lemony’s class.

Speaking of 40’s, Lemony got a couple tattoos this last weekend. She was bummed at my reaction.

I can’t lie, I’m not a tattoo person. I don’t dislike them but I have a hard time getting excited about any tattoo on anyone.

I’m not telling people not to do it (unless they are my kids in which case they will get them just to piss me off) and I don’t assume much about people who have them … except for this guy …

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It’s become culturally normal to have ink but I I have my preferences. What can I say?

I have never been tempted to get one and it pains me to see beautiful, young skin forever tattooed. Especially boobie tattoos.

Don’t cover up a those beautiful breasts!

So I was like, “Oh, wow. You got tattoos,” because I’m a terrible liar.

They are nice and not without a certain allure, but I always prefer plain skin.

I will give her this, I would rather see a 40 year-old get a tattoo than an 18 year-old. I mean, why not? By the time you are 40, hopefully you understand the seriousness and irreversible nature of tattoos.

You also know who you are better than you did when you were a reactionary teenager. What do you have to lose?

So while I don’t love any tattoos, I’m glad she got what she wants, that she loves them, that her husband loves them, and that suddenly my eyes are EVEN MORE drawn to looking at her perfect ass.

Before I leave for the Apple store, here are some photos from the weekend. I have a really funny video of the kids being annoying but I need to wait to download it.

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Blue walking down our secret path.

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I took the boys hiking at Chautauqua. They were so loud and annoying but what are you gonna do?

We went to Alana and Ben’s baby shower this weekend and loaded the van up with Harmy’s baby gear. I’m helping other people cut the crap!

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Pretty much everything she needs to get her through the first two years.

I am so happy for them!

They are going to be the best parents ever. The party was on the 4th so they had a May The Forth Be With You shower complete with Bantha Milk and Light Sabers.

They are going to be the best parents ever. The party was on the 4th so they had a May The Forth Be With You shower complete with Bantha Milk and Light Sabers.

I visited another pregnant couple afterwards (something’s in the air) but they haven’t announced it to the world yet so I’ll give them a super-top-secret congratulations. Yay babies!

 

 

12 thoughts on “Technical Difficulties

  1. Beyond in impressed with your pole skills! And I’m so glad to hear you packed a lunch AND went to the bathroom before heading to see your Genius. Phew. Reading about it last time almost made me want to pee my pants!

  2. Great ,blog,I’d like to have a makeover please,
    Damn I miss the baby shower too!
    And you pole work is flawless ,beautiful, strong, sexy, so proud of you
    Miss you

    • Right? Who wouldn’t want a makeover?

      Thanks so much for the compliment on the pole, it’s been a long road and I’m still progressing. Towards what, I’m not sure, I just really enjoy it.

      As much as I like to bag on Facebook, one of the really good things about it is that I get to keep in touch with you and Shawn and see the beautiful places you get to go. I didn’t think it could get any better than New Zealand, and I wondered why you even left, but Switzerland looks incredible!

  3. Pole dancing was aaaaaaaaammmmmmmaaaazzzzz*breath*zzzinggggg! Ok so let me get this straight, your going to throw off a Looney and become a Clooney? Sweeeet! You can just pencil a “c” at the beginning of the last name on your checks I call that a win-win! Have a happy weekend!

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