Pantry Therapy

I’m on a morose kick but what can I say? It’s what’s going on.

My brain is still feeling all tweaky, my heart pounds and my chest is tight. I feel crushed by daily activities but I’m trying to deal.

My allergies are acting up.

My allergies are acting up.

I’m good at bucking up no matter how craptastic I feel, and maybe it isn’t depression if one can “buck up” out of it.

Whatever it is, I’m not gonna let it take me down without putting up a fight.

I have a five pronged approach that is kind of helping.

Number 1: Make daily lists.


This has helped my productivity which in turn helps my self-esteem.

Sitting around gets me into a downward spiral, at least getting off my ass and being active makes me feel better, even if the tasks seem enormous.

At least my house/life are getting some much needed attention.

The key is to not have the list be so ambitious that it turns into yet another source of stress, or worse yet, another reason to beat myself up.

I cleared out the small winter clothes and am giving them to Harmy.

I cleared out the small winter clothes and am giving them to Harmy. Item #5 on Monday’s list.

I got rid of this shit, too. I’m cutting the crap again!

Sitting in a shoebox atop the boys' radiator FOREVER.

Sitting in a shoebox atop the boys’ radiator FOREVER.

Loony got fed up with the pantry pest moths flying out of the cabinets so he took it upon himself to rid our kitchen of them.

Of course this means doing about 1/4 of the job and leaving the rest for me, but I can’t complain. It needed to be done and I probably wouldn’t have opened that can of worms without him leaving the job incomplete motivating me.


My kind of aphrodisiac!

My pantry has been a complete disaster. It’s one of those things; I clean it out and it slowly declines as time goes by and I have to do it again.

Meanwhile, I feel like a complete loser every time I open the pantry door and moths fly out. At least it’s something I have control over.


No. Clearly this is a winner’s pantry.

I put it on my list and now it’s done. BOOM!

Why can’t it always be this way?

PS. I can’t believe how much food I had in there. I don’t have to buy pasta, rice or beans for at least two months! I had no idea.

Number 2: Exercise.

I’m a big fitness person and I never not exercise, but I’m taking time to enjoy the spectacular springtime scenery.

The gardens I pass by with Blue are so lovely and inspiring.


On my list each day is “gardening”. One day my garden will look as lovely.

My front yard still looks like total shit. The back is beautiful in an overgrown and lush kind of way, but the front just looks neglected. Maybe this year I can turn it around by spending 30 minutes a day on it.

Then there is the studio. I try to take four classes a week but what I really need to do is sign up to perform at a studio recital. It would be the motivation I need to stop fucking around and choreograph something already, even if it means forcing paying My Asian Daughter (MAD) Waeli, to do it.

Number 3: Cutting out the coffee.


I’m not a huge coffee drinker, usually just one cup a day, two at the very most; but if my problem is a racing heart, cutting out the stimulants seems like a no brainer. It’s not that big of a deal.

Number 4: Meditate


Meditation, nap, whatever. It’s relaxing and therefore must be good for me.

I took a five-week meditation workshop at my gym years ago. It consisted of a weekly seminar and then daily home practice. All I had to do was message the instructor each day with how long I meditated and what my impression was.

In the beginning it was pure torture. Each minute went by so slowly and it was a test of my will to not constantly check the clock.

Meditation feels completely different now. Honestly, it feels like a decadent treat. Sure, I can do that.

Number 5: Slow down and enjoy the beauty of my life.

This is a hard one for me, but taking pictures helps.

This is a hard one for me, but taking pictures helps. I feel like such a mess of nerves in the moment, but looking back at photos, even from earlier that day, gives me perspective. As Cao pointed out, my boys are happy and smiling and doing something fun and interesting. Maybe I’m not ruining their lives as badly as I think I am.

These pictures are for my dad (Hi Dad!) and MaryAnn (Hi!).

It was art and music night at the boys’ school and I was blown away by the beauty of the school’s art room.

That's a papier maché Dale Chihuly that the 5th graders made. How cool is that?

That’s a papier maché Dale Chihuly that the 5th graders made. How cool is that?

And would ya just look at these underwater self-portraits? How did we get so lucky to have this be our neighborhood school?


That’s the news for the day. Rest assured I’m not huddled under my covers being all miserable.

I’m walking my dog, taking pole classes, going to school events, hanging with my kids, working, writing, gardening and cleaning my house … albeit while being miserable.

It’s a step in the right direction. If it doesn’t get better in a week or so I’ll make an appointment to see my doctor.

Oh, I have an Instagram account now. If you want to see what I’m looking at, you can follow me at verticalvivienne

Sorry Dad, I don’t know how you can look at my account without getting an Instagram account yourself. It’s not a big deal to sign up and you can subscribe to only my feed if you want. You might find that there are lots of Ducati motor heads out there that you quite enjoy.



8 thoughts on “Pantry Therapy

  1. You do have a lovely life, a hunky hubs who starts to clear moths, cute boys AND an organized pantry. You go.

    Have you ever tried yoga? I was having a rough patch a few years back and I tried it as a ‘natural Xanax’. I really love it because it forces me to meditate while also working out.

    Hope you feel like you again soon!

  2. You have never done yoga in Boulder. It’s like a competitive sport, the complete opposite of relaxing for me. The people who do it are total lunatics! I should try Yin yoga, though. I hear it is relaxing.

  3. You have solved the mystery of the moths for us! Huzzah! We have been battling these little bastards for months but didn’t know where they were coming from. I’m a bit disconcerted and grossed out that they live in our pantry, though.
    Thanks for your blog. I read it every time you post.

    • Wow! Thanks for reading! The only way to get rid of pantry pests is to go through every single box and bag in your pantry. If it has been opened, look for tell tale webs, like spider webs almost, making grains cling together.

      You can find them in cereal, rice, flour, nuts, etc. Sometimes you will find a jar with a cracked lid that is writhing with them. GROSS! They can also cluster in corners where a bit of granola fell out.

      Dealing with them calls for a complete clean out and wipe down. I decant all my breadcrumbs, pastas and grains into glass or plastic sealed containers. There are Pantry Pest traps which are just glue coated boards, which work well, too. Good luck and thank you so much for giving me a little bit of your day.

      You had your baby, no?

  4. I just got back from CA last night so I am getting caught up on your last 2 wks. That is too bad about the competitive yoga vibe. A friend of mine who is also a yoga instructor keeps on getting hurt because she pushes herself too much. I have realized after doing yoga for over a dozen years that to feel comfortable modifying takes confidence and not giving a rats ass what everyone else is doing.Yes I modify in yoga and kick boxing even though the kick boxing instructor gives me a hard time. He knows I don’t care. His motto is: Pain is weakness leaving the body…while mine is: If it hurts don’t do it!

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