It’s slow news around here these days. I think I need a big project otherwise I just waste my time dinking around on my computer making stupid videos, like this …
I’m also taking lots of selfies with the dogs.
The little dog being around is a fun distraction and the boys adore him. Testiclese is full-on smitten in love with Chickpea.
They are insufferably cute together.
I am getting used to the looks I get when I walk the two together. I’m not struggling against being the crazy dog lady. If a stranger thinks I am nuts, so be it.
But doggie antics aside, I am itching to start a new project. I doubt it will be blogging or anything all that interesting to my dear readers, but I need to do something.
I am restless and when I’m restless I get into trouble.
I noticed that I started spending money, mindlessly perusing shopping sites on the internet. That’s a very bad sign.
I usually scoff at people who say, “Knowing you have a problem is half the battle,” but in this case I agree completely. It’s time to see the problem and put the kibosh on it. I can do that.
Admitting my problem on my blog has become my go-to first step towards correcting a bad behavior.
I noticed that I am feeling a steady, medium-level anxiety in the background at all times. It feels like a vibration in my chest.
It’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, or to get scolded or chastised or called to the table. It feels like I am fucking everything up at all times and everyone’s judging me and I’m a totally incapable person. It feels like paralysis.
I know what’s going on. I need something to do. And if I don’t find something productive to do, I will end up squandering my time on WasteBook or getting into trouble.
My friends know all too well just how much trouble I am capable of getting into.
A really good friend of mine once told me that I have tremendous drive, but when my drive is unfocused I get into trouble.
It’s not that I don’t have plenty to do, this stupid house is a full-time job, but I need to make something. I need to add value.
I know this sounds conceited, but I’m a creative person. I need to move forward or else I get bored. It’s time for the next big thing, only what will it be?