Idle Hands and Panic Attacks

It’s slow news around here these days. I think I need a big project otherwise I just waste my time dinking around on my computer making stupid videos, like this …

I’m also taking lots of selfies with the dogs.


Snout comparison

The little dog being around is a fun distraction and the boys adore him. Testiclese is full-on smitten in love with Chickpea.

They are insufferably cute together.


So much cuteness

I am getting used to the looks I get when I walk the two together. I’m not struggling against being the crazy dog lady. If a stranger thinks I am nuts, so be it.

But doggie antics aside, I am itching to start a new project. I doubt it will be blogging or anything all that interesting to my dear readers, but I need to do something.


Walking around and posing the dogs for stupid pictures.

I am restless and when I’m restless I get into trouble.


I noticed that I started spending money, mindlessly perusing shopping sites on the internet. That’s a very bad sign.

I usually scoff at people who say, “Knowing you have a problem is half the battle,” but in this case I agree completely. It’s time to see the problem and put the kibosh on it. I can do that.

Admitting my problem on my blog has become my go-to first step towards correcting a bad behavior.

This has nothing to do with anything except that I think it's really funny that they spell Kitty "Kitteh"

This has nothing to do with anything except that I think it’s really funny that they spell Kitty “Kitteh”

I noticed that I am feeling a steady, medium-level anxiety in the background at all times. It feels like a vibration in my chest.

It’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, or to get scolded or chastised or called to the table. It feels like I am fucking everything up at all times and everyone’s judging me and I’m a totally incapable person. It feels like paralysis.

I know what’s going on. I need something to do. And if I don’t find something productive to do, I will end up squandering my time on WasteBook or getting into trouble.


My friends know all too well just how much trouble I am capable of getting into.

A really good friend of mine once told me that I have tremendous drive, but when my drive is unfocused I get into trouble.


It’s not that I don’t have plenty to do, this stupid house is a full-time job, but I need to make something. I need to add value.

I know this sounds conceited, but I’m a creative person. I need to move forward or else I get bored. It’s time for the next big thing, only what will it be?



11 thoughts on “Idle Hands and Panic Attacks

  1. Boy, it really resonates with me what you say about the “steady mid-level anxiety” and the associated feelings. Like you’re expecting the Life Cops to show up at the door and say, “You blew your chances, you fucked up, OK loser, keep your hands out where we can see them and come with us…” yeah, I feel that way pretty much all the time.

    • I’m sorry you feel that way too, Greg. This is one of those situations where I’m more than happy to be alone in my feelings. It’s quite a prison of one’s own making don’t you think? I wouldn’t really wish it on anyone.

  2. Etsy. There’s a lack of humor over there. Bring some joy to Etsy. Hand-sewn custom chihuahua cozies and pole dancing outfits?

    • You think? One of the most famous pole dancing outfit providers came from Etsy (Bodybinds) but now that you mention it, that might be just the ticket!

      • You’re creative and you sew, so you’re better positioned than 80% of people selling on Etsy currently. Bonus points if the outfits match the chihuahua cozies.

  3. I totally feel it! I need something to do!! Something meaningful, something that takes my mind away, something physical, something mental. I don’t know, just something. Maybe with the weather changing and getting outdoors will help. Anyway, I feel your pain.

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