Missing Dog and Life’s Great Ironies

Tabby is out of town and I’ve got the Chihuahua again. The boys are in heaven.


Tabby gave him the revolting name of Popcorn Chicken, which I can’t seem to get okay with, so I’ve renamed him Chickpea, which I think is far more fitting.

Blue and That Fucking Cat are not quite so pleased with the turn of events but I like to see a good fight every now and then, even if it means instigating.

Of course Chickpea is a total asshole and likes to rub his couch sitting abilities in Blue’s nose whenever possible.


There can be only one.

Blue has been woofing it up and sulking as a result. He even hid from me today! I was sitting on the couch and I couldn’t see him even though he was just a few feet from me.

Missing Dog

This never happens!

It was almost as strange as the other day when I was walking Blue and a car pulled up and my first thought was, “Why is my dog in someone else’s car?”

They had a giant, grey, Great Dane in the backseat and he was even wearing the same collar. And get this, his name was Blue, too!

I realize that Blue is a classic dog name, but still.

It solves a mystery for me, though. Over the last two years I’ve had people come up to me and insist that my dog is named Blue (true) and lives on Hawthorn Street (false) and belongs to someone else (also false).

Then I have to have the frustrating conversation where I try to convince a total stranger that Blue is indeed my dog. You’d be surprised at how people challenge me on this.

“No! His name is Blue and he lives on Hawthorne!”

“Uh, his name is Blue, that is correct, but he does not live on Hawthorne. I know this because he’s my dog.”

“I’m sure that is the Blue from Hawthorne who belongs to friends of mine.”

“I am not your friend, and this is my dog, ergo this dog cannot be your friends’ dog. Capisce?”

“I’m positive it’s him”

“I think I know my own dog.”


Only Blue can lean on four women at once.

In other news, Yoga Journal called me up to ask if they could do a photo shoot at my house.

Really? Okay.

They loved my house and, ironically, the piece is on Zen and meditative living.


Oh, the irony! MY HOUSE! A peaceful, meditative space?

Oh my God …

… I can’t breathe …

… I’m laughing so … hard!

I’ll post the article when I get it.

And finally, I don’t know why I think this is funny, but look at how much food the guy at ThaiShi gave me yesterday at lunch.


So much food and that’s a big plate, yo.

And I wasn’t even wearing booty shorts and heels to lunch. I still got it, baby!

Time to start cleaning toilets.


3 thoughts on “Missing Dog and Life’s Great Ironies

  1. Instigating fights among your animals? Is there no limit to the lengths you will go to create great content for your Blog?

    What about the feelings of the beasts?

  2. Pingback: Crazy Eye & CATtachment Parenting | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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