Of course that Fucking Cat won. She’s a cat and they ALWAYS win. What a shocker.
We tried so hard to train That Fucking Cat how to use the toilet and I think we were making real progress. She was pooping and peeing in it, albeit with a training ring in place. Everything was going great.
Then I went out of town and everything fell apart.
TFC got mad that we left and then Natasha left and decided to vent her ire in the universal language of cats: peeing on everything.
Unfortunately “everything” was my bed and by the time I got home she had decided that my bed is where she does her business.
Even as I was unpacking my luggage she squatted on the bed and let it rip. As I was watching! The nerve.
“She’s confused!” My oh-so-generous step-mom declared.
She’s right, TFC is confused but I firmly believe she is the devil and wants to punish me for having my own life and because making me miserable gives her pleasure.
The first thing I did was get out her litter box. She loves it. You can hear her stomping around in there and when I clean it she comes tearing over to shit it up tout suite.
God, I love cats so much. I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to have one. Or five.
This last week has been dedicated to repeatedly cleaning my mattress. I cleaned and dried it at leas three times. I used:
1 gallon of Nature’s Miracle
A mixture of dish soap and peroxide
A whole box of baking soda
A scrub brush
A shop vac
I can’t say that the smell is 100% gone but I can’t tell exactly what I am smelling. Is it the vinegar? Or the baking soda? Maybe it’s the peroxide and dish soap? Or that enzyme stuff? Anything but cat pee.
At least my house doesn’t smell like a litter box and you have to stick your nose all the way in there to smell anything at all.
I flipped my mattress over, put a vapor proof cover on it and hoped for the best. It seems TFC is back on track, aka not using my bed as a toilet anymore.
I’m sad that the toilet training thing didn’t work out, it would have been so cool.
I know someone is gonna tell me to just let her go outside to pee and I’m down with that, Frank used to go outside exclusively and it was great, but I really want to keep TFC inside because Loony loves birds and having an outdoor cat is pretty much the worst thing you can do to a bird population.
And there is always this which causes major brain damage among the kids …
She’s not out of the woods yet. There are still dozens of ways in which she displeases me.
For one, she refuses to sleep on my face. Is that too much to ask?
And B, there’s the shredding thing.
I could still get rid of her stupid ass, especially when she makes it so easy and I’ve got a taker. Who can resist a face like hers?
I’m officially done
wasting all day blogging about what comes out of my cat’s rear end.
YOU CAN HAVE YOU’RE (just kidding, YOUR) PRIVACY BACK YOU STUPID CAT!