Pre-Vacation Freak Out

I’m in the pre-vacation flurry of activity. With Spring Break just a few days away, I have a lot of work to do because WE’RE GOING TO JAMAICA!

Loony is excited to see tropical birds. I’m excited to not cook, clean, make a bed or walk the dog for a week.

I'm extra excited to not have to deal with shit like this every day.

I’m extra excited to not have to deal with shit like this every day.

The boys are excited but not nearly excited enough because they’ve come to see international travel on Spring Break as a regular thing that people do.

They have no idea how lucky they are.

But getting out of town is a bitch, especially during Spring Break because my rentals are usually booked to capacity.

MoneyPenny will be staying at the house to take care of clients and step into my role as Professional Toilet Cleaner. At least the money is good and she’ll get to hang out with a superstar. But more on that later.

I like to get things ready well in advance, so even though we aren’t leaving until Sunday, I started packing.

Yesterday I hauled out the suitcases and started flinging summer clothes into it, because wouldn’t you know it …


I just got new passports for me and the kids because ours expired recently.

I saw first-hand what happens when you don’t double check your passport expiration dates.

You don’t get to go.


Fortunately it wasn’t me but the family we were going to travel with had to cancel at the last second.

Massive bummer.

So I was rounding up our travel documents and feeling pretty cute when I realized I couldn’t find Loony’s. I kept my freakout to moderate levels because I knew that it had to be here somewhere and I had four days to find it.

But still.


I am pretty methodical about where I keep important documents and I don’t like it when stuff goes missing. I found it within the hour and immediately packed it up with the other ones but I couldn’t get my body on board. It was freaking out even though the reason was now gone. Ugh.


And I’m also freaking out because the night before we leave is the Elevated Art: A Rocky Mountain Pole Show is happening and I can’t miss it, which means we will be up late in Denver the night before an early flight.

But I can’t (CAN’T) go to the after party which really bums me out because last year’s was so much fun AND it’s going to be Lemony’s birthday party which means I can’t give her the ultimate gift of getting drunk and doing something really inappropriate for her amusement.

And Nina told me that reading my “day after” drunk posts is one of her new life’s pleasures. I hate to disappoint.

But most importantly, one of the World’s Greatest Pole Deities will be staying at my house AND I WON’T BE THERE TO MAKE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH ME BOULDER AND THE STUDIO! Nooooooo!

I can't pick my favorite picture of Natasha Wang so I had to make a montage.

I can’t pick my favorite picture of Natasha Wang so I had to make a montage.

The care and feeding of Pole Gods is my avocation and it kills me that I can’t be here. I won’t be able to take classes with her or bask in her heavenly glow.

At least I will be able to meet her, show her to her room and see her perform live.

I have never had such mixed feelings about going on a tropical vacation.

And she’s going to be staying in my office suite, which, THANK GOD, has been redone but it needs to be perfect. I have so much shit to do!

Hopefully she won’t mind sharing a bathroom with That Fucking Cat. She has a beloved cat of her own, Chairman Meow, so hopefully she will be wowed by TFC’s acumen on the toilet and overlook how ghetto it is down there.

BTW, it’s not filth you see around the bathroom, it’s those non-clumping walnut pellets that I have to use. They turn everything pee-stain orange. Nice, huh?

Anyway, the dog is chuffing at me and I need to walk him and then get to the million things on my list.

17 thoughts on “Pre-Vacation Freak Out

      • It’s supposed to be awesome and it doesn’t occur many places in the world. I have had one friend that has been to the one in Jamaica and some other friends that have been to the one in Puerto Rico and they have all said it’s one of the coolest things they have ever experienced.

  1. That is so exciting that you are going to Jamaica! Basil and I are very sad that our passports have expired especially since Canada is only 100mi. away. One friend of mine taught in Vietnam for 9 months then traveled around for 3mos. Her passport was so full she had to have extra pages added. Love it.(she is only 24 yrs old)

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