This Blog Was Written Entirely at the Apple Store

Stupid winter. Stupid computers. STUPID EVERYTHING!

Loony’s computer shit the bed the other day.


His unbacked-up computer.

I had to appreciate Loony’s completely unflappable nature because he didn’t waste much time gnashing his teeth over it.

He found a new computer that day (in our garage, natch) had Chrome restore his bookmarks and was ready to go with minimal downtime and relationship fallout.

I could learn a lot from him.

What I would look like if my computer crashed.

What I would look like if my computer crashed.

I would have thrown an epic temper tantrum and then treated everyone like shit because I don’t like sitting in my poopy diaper by myself. Thank god there is at least one adult in this relationship.

It also helps that most of his computing is done entirely on-line and he doesn’t store anything truly important on his computer. That kind of stuff (mostly photos and home movies) is stored on my mine.

My completely unbacked-up computer.


I realize I’m playing with fire because bad things happen to me.

Which is why I am blogging from the Apple store. For four hours.

Image 3

I’ve had to pee for three hours but can’t leave my computer unattended and they don’t have a public restroom. Yet I smile.

Loony’s disaster was just the kick in the pants I needed.

You see, I haven’t backed up my computer since I switched over to my MacBook Air because:

  1. I am stupid and
  2. my old drive was acting sketchy and
  3. I lost all my iTunes music so
  4. I was afraid to touch it because maybe it was still there and I should just not fuck with it and
  5. setting up a new back-up drive is far too complicated
  6. so I ordered asked Minion to do it and
  7. he did something weird to my new drive which kept it from doing anything but
  8. I’m not smart enough to figure that shit out
  9. so I just buried my head in the sand and
  10. tried not to think about how bad it would suck for me to lose my drive and everything on it and
  11. how it would be all my fault which would only make it a zillion times worse

Naturally I did nothing for months.

Then I witnessed Loony’s self-destruction and knew that I, unlike him, have A LOT to lose if my computer screws the pooch and I, also unlike him, don’t have the maturity to act like a decent human being in that event.

So now I’m here, posting from the Apple store on their ginormous display while I babysit my computer as it backs up.

The wifi is pretty sweet here, too.

The wifi is pretty sweet here, too. Too bad they don’t have a bathroom. Or food. I’m so hungry and I need to pee.

I like this place.

I like the cute guy who is helping me (who is definitely young enough to be my son) even though it was a little deflating when he didn’t know who sang Rock The Casbah, which happened to be the corrupt file that was fucking everything up. Or maybe my old drive is what fucked the song up.


Either way, Rock the Casbah is my harbinger of doom.

But I forgive him because he was so patient about my multi-layered tale of stupidity. He probably felt good about the fact that he was being nice to an old person.


Whatever, I’ll take it. Just don’t make me do this alone!

And I haven’t even gotten around to my other tale of stupidity from yesterday.


It was zero degrees outside. Not, “Haha it’s so cold it’s like zero degrees!”

No. Like actually zero degrees.

Close enough.

Close enough.

Blue hates my ass because I don’t want to take him on a long walk. Go fucking figure. He’s practically hairless so I don’t understand why he’s so psyched to go out there.

I bundled up and took him for a quickie around the block so he could drain the tiny weasel and I thought to check on the chickens.

They will come out to eat, but otherwise they are staying inside the coop.

They will come out to eat, but otherwise they are staying inside the coop.

The poor girls are hanging in there with all this cold but I worry about my Silkies.

Those dutiful little mamas insist on sitting on All The Eggs even if it means not huddling with the other ladies under the warmth of the heat lamp. Sure enough little Dinkers was shivering on a clutch of five eggs.

Mother of the Year

Mother of the Year

I didn’t have a carton on hand so I cleverly put two eggs in each of my coat pockets and carried the other one.

Then I slipped on the ice and MIRACULOUSLY only the egg in my hand broke. The ones in my pockets cracked but didn’t break open (because I landed on my ass and elbow) and I limped home with egg on my coat and a sore ass.

I used the cracked eggs for pancakes.


It froze solid in minutes.

Wow. Isn’t that fascinating?

I’m hoping that my computer ends up as good as the egg debacle. One broken egg (dead backup drive and I lost my Clash mp3s but who cares) but all my data is salvageable and safely put on a new drive and I can back up daily again.

I will back up daily again.

Screen Shot 2014-02-06 at 1.17.32 PM

Then I’ll beg Nina’s husband to help me figure out a RAID system for keeping my data safe.

Oh my God. Get me out of here, I have to pee soooo baaaaaddddd….

12 thoughts on “This Blog Was Written Entirely at the Apple Store

  1. Hey, He already implied you were like way old, and spaces at the Apple store are hard to come by.. You should have just went in with a snuck in bag of peanuts, one of those back pack water holders with the straw thingy (with wine in it, of course. I mean, since you can handle it now and all 😉 ) and a pair of adult depends and just let it go! They would totally understand, I mean, like, you’re ollllldddddd! Geesh, probably at least mid thirty to forty’s! *rolls eyes* 😀

    • 42 Baby! Look. There’s nothing like having your entire iTunes library exposed to make you feel old. Especially the Air Supply which I have on there in an ironic kind of way. I loved them when I was in the first grade. And believe me, had I known that I would have been there so long, I would have brought lunch. I don’t know about the adult diaper, though. That would have been hard for even me. Nitro, on the other hand …

  2. At least you didn’t end up with egg on your face! Although I’m sorry you are sitting in a store, having to pee AND you’re hungry. Poor gal. But kudos to you for doing a backup, even if it does take 13 hours. You’ve inspired me to do the same thing. From my desk at work.

  3. Pingback: Technical Difficulties | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply