Future Robotic Greetings (7395-7405)

It’s a video day. I’m trying to get back into being a responsible adult so I spent the entire day going through my old mail and papers.

Ever since I got a bookkeeper, I hardly open my mail anymore. I don’t have to, right? But then it piles up which is generally a bad thing.


Not even all of it.

The good news is that I found about $400 worth of checks tucked in there so I guess it would behoove me to check my mail every now and again.

Fortunately, That Fucking Cat was around to help me sort the trash into recyclables and shreddables. She’s an ace at shredding.

Today I dusted off the ScanSnap and scanned the shit out of everything, got current with my receipts, totally blew up my bookkeeper’s email, and tossed a ton of paper out. This is me talking dirty to JT (hi).


After watching my friend twist in the wind as she’s trying to sort out her books, I’m feeling pretty good about my triumph with the bookkeeper.

Blue likes it, too.

Blue likes it, too.

I love my office sanctuary. I spend all my time up here now. The light is gorgeous and it’s the one place in this house that I have a modicum of control over.

The rest of the house has totally gone to hell. The sun room and dining room are for shit, but what am I going to do? I can’t control my husband.


Actual photograph from today. No joke. It’s fucked up.

For instance, I haven’t seen him or the car since I left this house this morning.

He’s shopping. I know it.

I asked Minion if he’s seen Loony today and he was all, “He’s not my husband.”

He doesn't even have the decency to look chastened. Instead he's all psyched about his dope vintage Polo shades. They are dope.

He doesn’t even have the decency to look chastened. Instead he’s all psyched about his dope vintage Polo shades. They are dope.

What the fuck, Minion? I’m not worried about him cheating on me, I’m worried about him bringing more shit home.

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Until we get some kind of off-site space, this is going to be the story of my life. But I’m on it.


I celebrated a friend’s 50th birthday the other night which culminated in him “mixing” a Long Island Iced Tea in his stomach by pounding five shots (vodka, tequila, gin, rum with a bourbon thrown in to have one for every decade) and chasing it with a coke and lemon.

I'm protecting his identity

I’m protecting his identity

About five minutes later Nitro and I followed him into the men’s room to watch him throw it all up. I videoed the entire thing but I dunno, it was pretty rough.

I thought better of posting the video because it might be too offensive for even my readers. Instead I made this video.

Harmy and I bought identical coats a couple years ago (no, not on purpose, duh) and every time we see each  other we act like robots. The coats are silver and robots are metal so you get the picture.

We always great each other with this robot hug. The kids think it’s just great, especially when we run into each other at school.

The other parents on the school grounds think it’s great, too but I’m very used to strange looks.

Dr. Ken (or my hot Chinese doctor friend as my other hot Chinese doctor friend encourages me to refer to him as) just came back from a stint in New York City. The video he made is long (seven minutes) but I was entranced by the crazy images, the performances, snippets of conversation and, of course, pole dancers. Check it out.

Now I’m dying to go to New York City.

5 thoughts on “Future Robotic Greetings (7395-7405)

  1. I loved how the FC lashed out! Hilarious (as long as you weren’t wounded). And those baleful eyes!

    And the video!!! I couldn’t stop watching.

    Are you going to get PD to be an Olympic sport? Sure deserves to be.

    I’m officially awed.

    • I take it you are awed by Dr. Ken’s video, not my future dystopia video of robot love. I get it, it’s okay. I just invited Ken over for dinner tomorrow. I need to see some of his new moves on my pole. He is progressing by leaps and bounds. His innovation is beautiful.

    • You can always count on That Fucking Cat to perform for the camera. Now I just need to catch her shitting on the floor in protest. That would be sweet.

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