I’M HAVING A VALENTINE’S DAY CRINGE PARTY!
Enough with the high-pressure, sexy parties that end up in Total Relationship Destruction because, really, you wanted to break up but didn’t have the heart to do it on The Most Romantic Day Of The Year.
But the pressure got to you and you did it anyway.
Worst. Valentine’s. Day. Ever.
Not at my house. Not at my party. No sir.
Fuck that, I’m throwing a cringe party instead.
Bust out those elastic waist sweat pants (or “jeggings” if you must), bring those Cool Ranch Doritos that you and your friends used to go to town on, and most importantly, bring something of a personal nature to sacrifice.
Price of admission: Something truly humiliating to share with the crowd.
- Awkward yearbook photos from junior high
- Embarrassingly ernest love letter
- Philosophical manifesto penned at the sage old age of 14
- Diary entry (or in my case, “memoir”)
- Tale of sexual humiliation, more points if it involves loss of virginity (we already know who is gonna win this one)
- Mixed tape with “Awesome” or “Best …. Ever” as the title
- Original song
- Interpretive dance
- You could up the ante by wearing your favorite outfit from a bad era, especially if it gives you camel toe
- You get the idea
These will be shared with fellow party goers. I assure you, we will all be laughing at you.
Not with you.
When? Friday February 14 Valentine’s Day, Baby.
What Time? 7pm
Kids allowed? Are you insane?
What Can I Bring? Something humiliating. Don’t worry, we’re in this together. I’ll liquor you up for courage. And bring a bean bag if you have one.
What If I Don’t Want to Humiliate Myself? Then you don’t have to come.
Where? My place, duh. Be careful where you park.
Will There Be Kissing? Only girl-on-girl. Remember, NO ONE IS BREAKING UP AT MY PARTY!
Is there anything else I can bring? Highly snackable food and drinks
What can I leave behind? Your pride
RSVP in the comments section. You can invite people but only if they are cool. There will be a special prize to the best (worst) cringe offering of the night.