Resolutions I Can Keep (7362)

I was informed that today all the children in the Utah public school system are going back to school. Today. My kids don’t go back until Tuesday of next week.

Utah winter break starts on Christmas eve and ends on January 2nd. Furthermore, Thanksgiving break is Thursday and Friday, not the full week we get.

Good old Colorado, earning the dubious honor of being 49th in the nation for school spending.



This break is eating me alive. Everyone is on edge and sick of each other. I made this video at Shawna’s this morning when I stopped by to say hello.

I completely relate with Blue, and the kids are those yaptastic little dogs. I feel surrounded by a wall of noise. They have no regard for anyone who is speaking, they just start talking over you.

My kids are playing head games with me and staging passive-aggressive power grabs, that is, when they aren’t kicking each other in the nuts for fun.


Scrotus: I’m hungry (at 8:30pm)

Me: What would you like to eat?

Scrotus: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Me: Go ahead and make one. (Testiclese got right on it and made himself one.)

Scrotus: I can’t.

Me: Yes you can.

Scrotus: It ruins it.

Me: What?

Scrotus: Can I have more pasta?

Me: Sure, there is some still on the counter that your brother didn’t finish.

Scrotus: It’s one-quarter eaten.

Me: So?

Scrotus: There’s nothing to eat.

Me: You asked for PB&J and I said make one, you said you wanted pasta and I told you where to find it. This is your problem buddy.

Scrotus: I don’t want a sandwich or the pasta now, and I’m hungry.

Me: There’s bananas, apples, crackers, cheese and bread. Figure something out. Or don’t, I doubt you will starve to death.

Insert lots of moping around, sighing and generally being in my way so I can witness the malnutrition.

I’m tired and I won’t get caught up in that bullshit where kids don’t eat dinner and then extort a snack just before bed.

Since he ate his dinner, I’ll allow the snack, but I’m not making it. No sir.


Fortunately Scrotus is very into reading so keeping him entertained and preventing him from getting stupider over the break is a bit easier.

Testiclese, however, is still struggling through lame-ass early readers.

PicMonkey Collage

It’s not their fault that they are lame, but what he is interested in reading and what he is capable of reading are miles apart. I have faith that he will bridge that gap, his brother certainly did, but right now he’s bored and seeking attention. From me.


Would you fuck with this cat? Not unless you like pain.

I am the last person you want to pay attention to you right now. Honestly, you best stay out of my way.

When he doesn’t get whatever attention he wants, he gets sulky and emotional. The tiniest stuff sets him off on a cry jag.

The lonely girl

I was messing my dad who was going to town on the ice-cream with the rest of the kids. I still have quarts left over from Thanksgiving so I was like, have at it.

I offered to open a fresh quart for him when Testy just burst into tears. “DON’T GIVE HIM ANY MORE ICE CREAM MOM!” and ran out of the room.

What the?

I still have no idea what was bumming him out. Did he worry that granddad would eat all the ice-cream in the house? Did he feel like we were teasing granddad and that offended his sense of fairness?

I have no fucking idea. Nor do I have the patience to figure it out.

Then there is the vacation rental suite. We share walls with. Our guests and can hear everything that goes on.


While I don’t care at all what noises they make (I’m getting paid), I am concerned that they hear ours. After all, they are here to vacation and relax, not listing to kids run around screaming which is pretty much what they do all day.

I can feel my stress levels elevate. The money is great but Jesus, at the cost of my sanity.


This infographic is eerily descriptive of me.

Except for in the morning when I heard one of them h.u.r.l.i.n.g. into the toilet after too much NYE revelry. That will be fun to clean up.

I never said that what I do isn’t a job and I accept that jobs can be stressful and not fun.


It made me glad that I stopped drinking at 10pm.

I went to Harmy’s New Year’s Eve party, a small but nice affair. I was able to leave the kids home with the grandparents and have a stress-free night out with Loony.

Harmy put on a YouTube video of Bub the cat sitting in front of the fire.

This is pretty much what the video looks like.

This is pretty much what the video looks like.

The cat doesn’t move because she can’t. Nor can she put her tongue in her mouth. She’s one of those cats whose enterprising owner has capitalized on her adorable birth defects.

It lead to more YouTube surfing and a small faction of the party ended up glued to the screen to watch 60 minutes of cute animal “Vines”, whatever those are.

But I made it to midnight and spent the next five minutes with my eyes locked on Loony because I really didn’t feel like kissing anyone else.


How I feel about staying up late.

Then someone put on the BeeGees, then Rick James and a few people started dancing and I was waiting for something bad to happen, hopefully not to me.

I had to bounce.

I ended up rolling around on the bed (my myself) when someone asked me what my New Year’s resolutions are. I hadn’t given it much thought so I said, “I want to pole dance more and maybe learn some new tricks.”

To that she burst out laughing, “I’ve heard a lot of lofty resolutions tonight but yours are by far the most attainable.”

Clearly she hasn’t tried to handspring into an Ayesha, but whatever, I’ll take it as a compliment. (Watching that video makes me really miss Shawn and Rachel and all my other pottery people … Alana, Chris, Ben, sigh.)

I’ll add reading more to the list, as well as stressing less. I mean, you have to get a little crazy with the resolutions, right?

I'll start on this resolution now.

I’ll start on this resolution now.

Time to cut the crap.

Tiny Tangrams from a Christmas cracker. They sat on my counter. Now they are TRASH.

Tiny Tangrams from a Christmas cracker. They sat on my counter. Now they are TRASH.

9 thoughts on “Resolutions I Can Keep (7362)

  1. Colorado, 49th nationally in school spending but Number One in Legal Weed! Happy New Year! I am in complete sympathy with your gesture toward staying up for the “Countdown to Midnight” routine. WTF, the person I wanted to kiss wasn’t around anyway, she’s gone home for the holidays to her family Chicago. My current crush, at 39 she’s really too young for me but we’ll see where it goes. As they say, WTF. More developments to come…

    • That’s right, number 1 in legal pot. I hope that some idiot doesn’t ruin it for everyone. I hope it pot exists without fanfare, and people will realize that it is a fairly harmless drug, at least no more harmful that the legal drugs out there like alcohol and cigarettes.

  2. New Years Eve for me……Our big Puppy Athena was tranquilized because she gets so freaked with the fireworks. The music blaring in the back of the house, the TV blaring in the front of the house, our Athena freaking out even with the tranquilizers which was causing the baby puppy to keep away from her becasue she was acting “different”. Basil came home around 11:30. I went to bed while he stayed up and ate something only to be jolted by an M80 going off around 1:00. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Why Pole Dancing is the Best New Year’s Resolution (7363-7365) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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