Marital Rejection (7323-7324)

Loony and I have been watching Orange is the New Black after the kids go to bed. We binged on Breaking Bad, Homeland and Justified (binging, as in watching them all the way through at the blazing rate of two episodes a week).

If we don’t make a date to watch a show together, I end up passing out with the kids around 8:30. While I love my beauty sleep, it’s bad for marital relations.

Speaking of marital relations, in an episode of Orange is the New Black, a rather graphic selfie of Prison Punani is front and center pretty much the entire time.

*Dad: a prison inmate took a picture of her vagina for her boyfriend and it was posted on an website called prisonpunani.com. No, I don’t know if this website exists and I don’t want it in my history but you should totally see if it’s out there and let me know.

Loony was like, “Whoa, can you put stuff like that on TV?” and I was like, “Cable, baby,” and he was all, “Kids these days,” and I was like, “Right?”

Still, it got me thinking, so I asked him the next day if he would like it if I sexted him a little something’ somethin’. I was a little hurt that he declined.

WTF, babe?

And he said, “I don’t think I want that floating around the internet.”

LIKE I WAS GOING TO POST IT TO MY BLOG!

I’m so sure. Just for that, I’m going to sext all y’all. In the name of cutting the crap.

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Sext!

This is my chest, right under my boobs (which my hand and arm is covering so use your imagination). Look closely and you will see an abrasion caused from wearing a bra all day.

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Getting rid of this!

It’s a cheapo bra I got at Marshalls (don’t worry Shé, this isn’t one of the bras we got together). I’m donating it because bras are annoying enough when they don’t leave marks.

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DONATE

Jeans my boys grew out of.

While we’re at it, here’s a video of That Fucking Cat being stupid. It’s short, don’t worry.

I was cleaning one of my units (that’s right, I said unit) and put this waste basket on the table so I could do the  floors. Pussy Galore jumped inside and it was like I could see into the future.

The most remarkable part is that I was able to go downstairs and get my phone, set up the shot, and then realize that Aziz Ansari wasn’t the best soundtrack, get up and turn that off, come back, press record and JUST LIKE THAT, she fell off the table, like on cue or something.

My dog, trying his darndest to be the best dog he can be, unlike That Fucking Cat who tries to get in as much trouble as possible. It's not fair.

Blue, trying his darndest to be the best dog he can be, unlike That Fucking Cat who tries to get in as much trouble as possible. It’s not fair.

Also, I bought something, and I promised not to. Or at least I promised to come clean. Here it is:

IMG_8819These are Rainbow Loom bands for the boys. While not Christmas presents, and they are using chore points for them, I still bought something non-essential. I feel cleansed.

10 thoughts on “Marital Rejection (7323-7324)

  1. I love the way you write.
    I think buying stuff for your boys that keep them occupied for hours doesn’t really count as buying something, it is more like “helping” you make your life easier(by keeping you sane) for what….a few bucks…so worth it. If it was me I wouldn’t have come clean.
    I was thinking of you while I was putting up our tree. It is such a pretty little tree with none of my beautiful vintage breakable ornaments. It only has ornaments that can be dropped from the table w/o being damaged. This is our first tree since we have had cats…..hmmm.

    • I feel completely absolved! Testiclese is working hard on making Christmas presents for everyone out of the bands, which I think is great. He asked me where the presents go and I was at a loss. So he put them on the bookshelf.

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