Tonight is the Vertical Fusion staff appreciation party.
Lemony put it on the calendar at least a month ago which precipitated a call from me.
Me: So … what’s your plan for the evening?
Lemony: Dinner, drinks, gifts. Maybe massages, something to show everyone how much I appreciate them.
Me: What are you doing for food?
Lemony: I thought I’d cook something up.
Me: Hahahaha! Seriously, what did you have in mind?
Lemony: Maybe I’d make a pasta dish? For 30?
I must tell you that Lemony is the most amazing woman I know. She can do almost everything. And for all I know, she might be able to cook.
But I don’t think so.
That’s what I do.
Which is why I insisted at that moment that I handle the catering for the staff appreciation party.
“But I want you to feel appreciated, too! And how am I supposed to show you my appreciation if you are throwing the party?” She said.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m good at this. Let me do it.”
I looked at the calendar and saw that the party landed just a few days after my birthday and while this is not a big deal for me, I kind of had the feeling it would be a big deal for her. Maybe even a deal breaker.
I have never seen a person work so hard for her business. She gives and gives and gives, all the while managing to be loving and appreciative and genuinely wonderful with all her staff, even when she is under enormous stress.
I want to appreciate Lemony. She spends a lot of time taking care of others and I want to take care of her. This is a Lemony appreciation party, too. I want, NEED, to do this for her …
… which is why I had to weave a web of lies to cover my tracks.
Lemony called me up on day to ask me when my birthday was, she had the feeling it was soon.
Damn her female intuition!
I had to think fast. “It’s on Christmas!”
Lemony: You’ve got to be kidding.
Me: Nope. Totally serious. Sucks.
Lemony: Yes it does.
I changed it on my Facebook profile because I don’t know how to disable the stupid birthday alert. And I figured that December 25th is the suckiest birthday ever (unless you happen to like sharing your birthday with Jesus Christ in which case hooray for you!) and most people just feel sorry for you and quickly change the subject.
Then a few days ago I logged in on our instructor website to sign up for Lemony’s class when I noticed there was a birthday alert by my name.
So here I am, it’s the day of the party and I’ve managed to dodge Lemony for a whole week. I know she’s punishing herself and maybe kind of mad at me but …
See girl? I’m as devious as they come! But I wanted to do this. And I’m not big on birthdays, too, for a host of reasons. Don’t be mad!
But you need to stop beating yourself up for not knowing when my birthday was BECAUSE I INTENTIONALLY DECEIVED YOU SO I COULD GET MY WAY!
I did a mega Costco run to get provisions for the party and Moneypenny helped me unload the car. I was thinking about the newly minted Professional Party Boys over at APEX (I guess they had so much fun at my Halloween party that they decided to make a side-job of it).
Marlo said she taught them some naughty moves, like how to get someone to take off your clothes.
Gee, I ripped Dr. Ken’s pants off simply because they were in the way … of him poling safely. But maybe that’s just a Viv thing. Nonetheless, I am intrigued.
So I said to Moneypenny, “I was thinking of inviting the APEX guys over to do a little show.”
Me: Do you think that would be weird? Or do you think it would be fun?
Moneypenny: What kind of show?
Me: A sexy guys dancing around show, duh.
Moneypenny: Just for you? That would be a little weird. (While making that inscrutable face that Minion quite astutely observed would be murder to play poker against … what does she think of me?)
Me: NO!!!! For the VF staff party!
Moneypenny: I guess that would be okay.
She thought I was going to hire a bunch of guys who are half my age to come over and dance just for me.
In my house.
That’s insane! (And kind of awesome.)
Where does she get these ideas about me?
Time to cut the crap.