I Really Didn’t Need To Hear That (6893-6895)

Today I was walking Blue and minding my own business when I came upon a tree that was blown over during a recent windstorm.

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It took out part of a fence but I was more curious about a rather sizable chunk of honeycomb that had been dislodged.

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Lonny and I used to keep bees until they swarmed and took up residence in a hollow tree down the street.

We’ve tried on several occasions to replace our hive but never with success.

I saw someone who looked like the owner of the house and asked him if he has contacted the local beekeeper association who could try to capture and relocate the hive.

I’m concerned about bees. I think they are divine.

He assured me that he’s looking after the bees and that someone is coming to rescue the hive this afternoon. That’s great! Oh and, sorry about your fence.

That’s when this other guy who was sitting on a scooter said, “And I’m sorry about your horse. It’s too bad you have to muzzle him.”

My horse? Har. I’ve never heard that one before.

But muzzle? What? He must be talking about Blue’s Halti head lead. It’s an honest mistake.

“That’s not a muzzle, that’s a head leader and it helps me maintain control if he gets too excited about a squirrel because he’s kind of big.”

But we know that. 

“Don’t worry, he can still bite you if you want him to.” (wink)

About to bite Lonny's face off.

About to bite Lonny’s face off. Better muzzle him.

He said, “I hear Great Danes all have heart attacks at ten years of age and drop dead. They just give out.”

Awesome.

Why do people do that? People just love to tell me that my dog is gonna die. Soon. I am all too aware of his short lifespan. In fact, I am trying to forget about it.

I could have pointed out that the scooter he was sitting on made him 37% more likely to die in an accident than if he were driving a car.

BUT THAT WOULD BE RUDE, NOW WOULDN’T IT?

Nor would that change his mind about his scooter. He’d be about as likely to get rid of his scooter based upon my opinion than I would be to exchange Blue for a longer-lived dog.

I guess I could have the decency to be overwhelmed with regret.

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Hey Scrote, don’t get too attached. That dog is dead meat.

Oh well. All I have to say to that guy is …

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Also on my walk I saw a Lotus. I took a picture of it for the boys so they could see what a car that costs as much as a house looks like. I was impressed by how tiny it was and how its name rhymed with my first born’s.

SCROTUS

SCROTUS

Something tells me that Small Penis is not what the makers of Lotus had in mind when they branded it.

I’m pretty worn out from Lara Michael’s Flexibility workshop.

Not me. Regrettably. But thank god, too. That looks sooo painful.

Not me. Regrettably. But thank god, too. That looks sooo painful.

Last night’s show and the dance party that followed kept me up until 1AM. I performed at the Bohemian Biergarten’s KissKiss party with Moneypenny, The Norwegian Nanny and other dancers from Vertical Fusion who haven’t been given nicknames yet.

Norwegian Nanny and Moneypenny

Norwegian Nanny and Moneypenny

It was a great evening. It’s always a pleasure to perform for a fun and open crowd that treat us with respect. I was a little nervous about dancing in front of  youngsters but it was so packed that I doubted anyone would be able to get a good look at my stretch marks.

Of course, once I got there, I stripped right down to my performance wear and had a grand old time. And I ran into an old friend!

Me and my former housemate. That money in my bra is not from dancing, but from the pole rental. Not that I wouldn't mind a few tips.

Me and my former housemate. That money in my bra is not from dancing, but from the pole rental. Not that I wouldn’t mind a few tips. Someone asked if my hair is a wig. I’m gonna take that as a compliment.

Today I was happy to only have laundry, house cleaning and blogging on my list of things to do. I even dumped dropped the boys off at Heather’s house while we enjoyed champagne and cheese on a friend’s roof.

He invited all of us but there was no way I was going to let my kids in his house.

fragile

His house is full of delicate coral, minerals, pre-Columbian pottery and gorgeous art. It gives me panic attacks just thinking about my kids let loose in there.

I realize that I am bragging right now, but it was a really nice afternoon without kids on the roof.

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Digesting copious amounts of bread and cheese.

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Red Rocks in the background

I recently had a friend wail that having billionaire friends is making her feel insecure about her mere millions. I had a hard time working up any sympathy.

Me? I’m an opportunist. I’m more than happy to enjoy the fruits of my friends’ labor if they are so kind as to invite me over.

Do you have an amazing pool that costs more than my net worth? That’s great! I’m not going to feel insecure about it, but I might happen to have my swimsuit in my purse. Every time I come over. Quel bon surprise!

Thanks for the lovely afternoon, Chris!

Good news! Someone parked across my driveway. Again.

Good news! Someone parked across my driveway. Again.

Anyway, this is all great but … it’s time to cut the crap.

I had a mini-tantrum over the proliferation of garbage bags full of coats taking over my living room. Lonny is helping with Coats For Colorado, a coat drive for the needy. He got it all sorted and out of my pole room.

I had a mini-tantrum over the proliferation of garbage bags full of coats taking over my living room. Lonny is helping with Coats For Colorado, a coat drive for the needy. He got it all sorted and out of my pole room.

This is an otherwise boring video but it is kind of funny when Testiclese busted me for swearing.

8 thoughts on “I Really Didn’t Need To Hear That (6893-6895)

  1. What an idiot to say that about your dog! On a related note; I’ve had several people tell me that tall people die younger than those of average stature because their hears have to work harder. Gee, great conversation topic. That rooftops looks amazeballs.

  2. Excuse me, darling…are you wearing the sweater we saw at Barbara? It looks lovely on you.

    This is my favorite part of today’s blog: “Do you have an amazing pool that costs more than my net worth? That’s great! I’m not going to feel insecure about it, but I might happen to have my swimsuit in my purse. Every time I come over. Quel bon surprise!” 🙂 Love your attitude!

  3. I use a gentle leader for Hermes too. It always gets comments, and honestly, if it keeps a few extra people away from me while we’re out walking, so much the better. Talking to strangers lets them feel like they can say things to me. If they think my sweet pooch is a vicious hellhound, well, so much the better.

    • Why not just be nice, right? Whenever I see anyone with a dog, I always ALWAYS lead by saying, “Now that’s a good looking dog!” It lets people know that I am friendly and not weird about dogs. It immediately puts people at ease.

  4. Pingback: Incase You Missed Last Night’s Drunk Post | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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