Employee Hazing (6869-6880)

Lonny has a new employee! She’s been with us for a few weeks now but I’ve finally convinced her to quit her dead-end jobs burger artist and salad artist so she could devote herself to a dead-end job as an eBay artist.


eBay artistry at work! Minion “styled” these fuzzy moccasins with googly eyes. Surely they will sell for more. Good job!

She admitted that she hated working in food service but felt bad about quitting without putting a respectable six months into it. For her résumé. And she worried about them being able to fill her position.

I was like, “They don’t care about you! Fuck them! Quit and work for us! And while you’re at it, steal a salad for my dinner.”

I realize that encouraging my employee to quit her other job with no regard for their staffing needs and then to steal is setting an odd precedent.  But look what she brought me!


And she quit her job!

I’m gonna be fair here and point out that she didn’t quit because I ordered her to. She had other really good reasons, and she gave them notice.

I also seriously doubt that she stole the salad. I think she was just telling me that to make me feel powerful and mighty. It was probably her staff meal.

But whatever! That salad was gooooood.

Now she wants me to give her a nickname for my blog. I’m coming up blank. I tried to pass off my ignorant misspelling of her name as a genuine attempt to protect her identity, but she called bullshit. Will the demands ever cease?

Does anyone have any idea for a good girl by day, naughty pole dancer by night name? I’m open to suggestions.

Ooh! I just thought of one! Actually, I didn’t think of it, I Googled “funny nicknames for girls you like” and found Moneypenny. It’s kind of naughty, James Bond, and intrepid assistant like.


Moneypenny it is.

We took Marlo’s Choreography and Improv class last night and I was like, “Stand the fuck away from me. I look bad dancing next to you.” She’s a great pole dancer.

While she mentioned that getting to pet kittens while she works as a benefit of her new job, she failed to mention that there is a pole on the job site. Benefits!

I stuck around and took Marlo Fisken’s Off The Pole Inversions and feel like I’ve been beaten with a very large stick. I managed to not embarrass myself even when she said she was being abducted by aliens and, “Who wants to come with me.” Of course my hand shot up (like an idiot) and she was like, “I know you want to come.”


But I fought back the urge to make a joke about the anal probe. You know, because that’s what aliens do when they abduct you. Right?

See why I’m glad I didn’t say anything? It’s better when I don’t talk.


This makes me laugh so hard

Time to cut the crap. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


I also got rid of these extra rolls of mesh I used at the party. I’m giving them to the school.

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