401st Blog Post (6768-6773)

It was getting a little awkward showing up at my neighbor’s house with a pitcher of greens to blend up in her Vitamix. She was super nice about it and everything, but it was starting to become obvious that I was making the smoothies for me, not Scrotus.

Knock, knock!

Knock, knock!

She offered me the use of it when he knocked his front tooth out and for the first few days I was blending up drinks for him so he didn’t have to chew with his mangled mouth. Then I got into it.

I decided that I wanted to break down and get a Vitamix of my own. Lonny brought one home for me several years back, but I think it was from the 70s. No joke. It looked like a blender on top of a toaster.


Shockingly, it didn’t work very well. I suspect it had to do with the blades being dull from over 30 years of use. Piece of …

Anyway, I had to admit defeat (as I have been an expensive kitchen gadget detractor for some time now, having seen so many bread makers, juicers, pasta makers, ice cream makers, espresso machines, waffle irons, etc. end up at garage sales, still in the box for the bargain low price of $5 because the marriage tanked and they never made pasta/waffles/bread like they thought they would when they were blithely spending someone else’s money at the registry) and concede that they do rule.

My birthday is coming up and this year I am determined to skip it. I mean, after having Shawn and Rachel throw me the best party ever for my 40th, and Alana making a Timpano for my 41st (which is tantamount to asking her to bring dinner for 30) who can top that?

My fabulous 40th birthday party at Shawn and Rachel's. Alana made an extravagant dessert.

My fabulous 40th birthday party at Shawn and Rachel’s. Alana made an extravagant dessert.

And who wants to clean up before and after their own party? Not me. I’d rather save the money and buy a pricey blender.


I mentioned that it was getting a little awkward showing up at my neighbor’s house and I didn’t think I could sustain my smoothie habit and good neighbor relations at the same time.

So on the way back from our failed disco ball retrieval mission, I asked told Lonny if it would be okay to stop by Costco and pick one up. You know, as an early birthday present.

He said, “Sure, honey. And maybe you could show your appreciation.” Wink, wink.

“What?! Like now? In the car? Babe, the kids are in the back.”

Yes, they were asleep. But still ...

Yes, they were asleep. But still …

I left Lonny in the car with the sleeping boys and popped inside Costco to pick one up. The salesman urged me to take the 30 minutes to watch the DVD that came with because, “You’ll learn so much.”

Being dutiful, I watched the DVD hoping to learn something I didn’t already intuit. I mean, it’s a blender. How complicated can it be?

For instance, they emphasized the importance of letting the Vitamix complete its cycle. Why? What will happen if I don’t? Will it be catastrophic like I will burn out the motor or void the warrantee or does it mean my smoothy might not be as smooth as I would like. Which is it?

I threw it out after I watched it. That’s one.

Then the “world famous chef” who I’ve never heard of demonstrated how to make soup in it and I was like, I tried that, dude. My kitchen sounded like an airport runway for five minutes and it tasted like raw onions. Fuck that.

What a bunch of crap.


And speaking of a bunch of crap, I “published” my 400th post yesterday. I’m hurtling towards the end of my year-long commitment and coming to a few conclusions.

First of all, if you are going to make a resolution to do something every day for a year, DO NOT BLOG ABOUT IT or else you might get followers that will get on your ass if you miss a day.

I must say that some of my conclusions are different than what I thought it would be and even hoped it would be. However, when I take the longer view on what I’ve been doing, it all makes sense. I’ll save that for post number 445.

Time to cut the crap.

Here is something my friend Buzzy posted on Facebook. If you live in the Frontrange area, here is a very good place to donate your excess household goods.


Dear Boulder Folks: A wonderful resource for those still suffering from the floods – and if you have something to donate, take a look, too: Sarah Martin and Michael Ruiz have put together The Exchange at 2775 Valmont Road, a place where victims of The Flood can go and pick up free household items, furniture, etc.

IF you have anything you can donate, you can drop it off at 2775 Valmont Road in Boulder (next to the indoor soccer field) weekdays between 10am-4pm. Items that are desperately needed are: furniture (like beds, couches, dressers, tables and chairs), kitchen dishes, silverware and cooking utensils, backpacks, rugs, bicycles, suitcases, kids toys and pet items. For more information, contact: boulder.exchange@yahoo.com.

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