Somebody Give Me A Motherf*@ing Medal (6293-6320)

I’m high on life because today I’m a hero. You heard me right. Someone called me a hero.

I was making dinner when I heard a racket outside, like screaming and dogs. I ran outside and followed the noise until I came upon a HUGE dogfight down the block. There were three dogs totally going at it and two people trying to break it up.

It did not look like this.

It did not look like this.

They were all of relatively large size (the dogs, not the people) and they were locked in battle. The two people were trying to separate the dogs and not succeeding.

Because a friend of mine was injured when trying to break up a dog fight, I know that the best thing to do is grab the dog’s hind legs and back up quickly.

The dog can’t maneuver well if his hind legs are off the ground, usually he will drop whatever he’s doing to look back to see what’s going on and if you keep backing up, he can’t stand up to attack you.

So I yelled, “Grab your dog’s hind legs and back up!” which they did.


Like this only the dog isn’t dead

The only problem is that one dog had the other dog’s face clamped in his jaws and would not let go. A guy ran up behind me very helpfully pointed out that the biter was a pitt bull.


“That’s a pitt bull. I’ve got a pitt. I know about them,” he said from a safe distance.

Wow, helpful … Now help me get this fucking dog off the other one!

The woman attached to the pitt yelled, “He won’t let go!” and then looked at me and cried, “DO SOMETHING, PLEASE!”

I was like, fuck, I don’t know what to do so I gave the aggressor a wimpy kick in the ribs. I couldn’t bring myself to do it hard and I figured I just needed to get his attention. I think I surprised enough to make him let go.

The owner of the bitten dog backed up and got his dog under control and I saw that his hand was bleeding, as was his dog’s face. The woman with the other two dogs was a total wreck. The third dog was acting very squirrelly and I told her to get him on leash.

She handed me his lead and I slipped it over his head, which he immediately got free of and ran off into the traffic.

It was so unbelievably chaotic. There was a dog running in the street with people running after it, two dogs that wanted to get back at each other, a bleeding man and a totally freaked out woman.

I don’t know how it started but it looked like she had stopped to pick up some poop and the other dog came up and good times were had. Whether he was leashed, on a walk, or just charged across the street, I don’t know.

The poor lady was taking care of one of the dogs, she was so beat up by the experience. Both her legs were scraped and bleeding and she looked about ready to fall apart.

I got her dog leashed again and asked someone to walk her home because she couldn’t handle both animals. She said she knew where the other guy lived and would come back with her information. I offered to drive him to the vet/doctor.

It was an adrenalin fueled interaction. Everyone came out of their houses to see what was going on and cars were pulled over while people gawked. I was glad that no one was seriously injured and I was really glad that Blue wasn’t in the mix.

I don’t know what I would do if he got fighting for real. Thankfully he has a very long fuse but it’s exactly why I walk him very early in the morning.

The woman appeared to have her dogs leashed (at least she had leashes) and who knows what happened. Maybe the other dog bum rushed them, maybe her dog attacked first, I wasn’t there.

I’ve had dogs rush at me so many times, even in the wee hours, that I don’t risk walking Blue in busy places at high-volume times unless it is just an around the block constitutional. Even leashed and during quiet times, I run into problems.

Once he slipped out of his collar and charge at another dog so I only walk him with a Halti head collar. You can never be too careful.

Blue rocking his Halti and a slime trail.

Blue rocking his Halti and a slime trail.

Of course I reiterated to Lonny how important it is to always have him on a leash and not just his regular collar (which is at a convenient height for quick walks) but he was like, “No, I’m not going to do that.”

Dumbfounded, I was like, “Why? You saw what just happened three houses away from us.”

“I’ve got it under control.”

“How can you say you have it under control if you don’t have him leashed? It’s the opposite of under control!”


I am often stunned at how stubborn he can be. I think couples run into this kind of thing all the time. The woman is accused of being overly protective and the man is overly laissez faire. Fortunately I do the majority of the walking.

At coffee Heidi asked me about it because she drove by when it all went down. I related the story and she was like, “You’re a hero!”


Why thank you, Heidi, I feel rather heroic.

Time to cut the crap:

Testiclese informed me that, “Daddy doesn’t like you going through his stuff and throwing it away.”

Well tell me something I didn’t know, kid. Duh.

For the record, there are plenty of useless yet cool things that I don’t get rid of. Such as:

Not getting rid of. Heheh.

Not getting rid of. Heheh.

I am NOT getting rid of this. So fucking cool!

KARATE HAI brand aftershave, deodorant and shaving cream. I am NOT getting rid of this. So fucking cool!

14 thoughts on “Somebody Give Me A Motherf*@ing Medal (6293-6320)

    • Oh my God! Really? A self-defense pamphlet? I have to go see! I think that stuff might make Lonny irresistible to all women and threatening to all men. I’m gonna put it on my dog.

  1. You ARE a hero! I had a hero save Romulous the same way at a dog park. A pit bull (btw, supposedly illegal in the city of Denver) went after Rom who decided it was his duty to fight to the death for me and my unborn child. They were both standing upright locked in battle and I was helpless to step in (not wanting to jam my pregnant belly in the mix). That’s when my hero grabbed the hind legs and pulled. He was not the pit bull owner and I didn’t linger to find out who the coward was. Perhaps he just drops his dog at the park on his way to work? We never ever go to dog parks anymore.

    • I stopped going to dog parks, too. One of my readers said that she thinks dog parks are dangerous and I was like pshaw but after Blue kept getting attacked and coming home bleeding, I realized she was right. I’m so glad you didn’t get bit in the baby!

  2. Your “how to break up a dog fight” information was SO helpful! Thank you! Like you, Hermes and I get rushed all the time. My pooch is very mellow, but other dogs are crazy. In fact, I thought of you the other morning – we got rushed by a Great Dane! Same coloring as Blue, but nowhere as cool and definitely did not have that same adorable face. Everything ended up okay but I was a wreck afterwards. When I caught my breath I thought “Wish that had been Viv and Blue. That incident wouldn’t have happened – and I totally would have asked her to coffee.”

    • Glad I could help! I’m doubly glad Blue wasn’t in the mix because dragging him off by his hindquarters would be a little harder than with a “normal” dog. I think Danes are dick magnets, any dog with something to prove goes after them.

      • Viv, you are actually correct. Just like huskies, danes attract a bit more attention. They have a different body type, and more dominant dogs or ‘dick dogs’ always want to pick something with them.

  3. 1) LOVING the IRS audits.
    2) That dog fight must have been scary. Running dog socials on Saturday with another trainer full of aggressive dogs (She beat her record!! Over 70 dogs in class!) is nuts sometimes. It’s always the noise that’s the worst. Face wounds/ears/neck all bleed a lot. Hopefully the damage wasn’t too severe.

    I’m catching up on your blogs again!

  4. Pingback: I Really Didn’t Need To Hear That (6893-6895) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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