Menstrual Hut (5435-5484)


A funny thing happened on my walk this morning. Dan Savage, my favorite relationship and sex advice columnist, had an expert on menstruation speak on his show. Later that morning at coffee I saw a “menu” from a nearby spa that offered Moon Time Treatments.

DragontreeI have the sneaking suspicion that I’m gonna have to learn how to use Photoshop pretty soon. There is so much more I wanted to do with this infographic that I just can’t make picmonkey do. Grr.

But you get it, right? $155 to soak your feet in a magnesium bath? If I really am magnesium deficient, are my feet really the best means of delivery? How about eating some almonds, or spinach or, what?! COCOA. Just sayin’.

And if my female reproductive organs really need to be stimulated, perhaps a foot massage (not that I have anything against foot massages) isn’t the best thing. But in my personal experience that time of the month isn’t about my uterus needing more stimulation, it needs less. As in, don’t touch me or argue about whether we should get rid of pamphlets.

Heavy fennel packs on my lower back to soothe my pelvic region? You’ve got the wrong side, bub. Does my menstrual cycle disrupt my complexion (thankfully no) but a $95 organic facial? That sounds like something else to me, at least that’s what Lonny calls it.

So for $155 I get to soak my feet in warm water, have a 20 minute foot rub, lay there with something on my back, drink a cup of tea, and get a 60 minute massage.

I can soak my feet for free, ditto with the tea, ditto with lying there on my face with a hot compress I zapped in the microwave and I can get a Groupon for a 60 minute massage for about $35 or I can whine until Tabby gives me one for free. Lonny will thrown in the facial. No charge.

crazywoman

Yikes.

I dunno. I’m not squeamish about my period but I’d also rather that people not know about it.

Except for now.

I’m having my period and I just got into a humdinger of an argument with Lonny. Unfortunately My Sexy Assistant got to witness the ugliness but lucky for me she was there because she came over and massaged my shoulders and agreed that he was being unreasonable and she’s on my side because I have better ideas than him.

Still, I did say Fuck and Fucking and Fuck It a lot which is not the best way to settle a dispute. I blame Captain Bloodsnatch. It’s off to the red tent for me!

menstrual hut

Seriously, if I had a menstrual hut I’d be having my period all the time because I’d be all, I’M UNCLEAN AND NOT FIT TO PREPARE FOOD OR DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES! So sayeth Leviticus.

I get a little touchy.

Time to cut the crap.

12 thoughts on “Menstrual Hut (5435-5484)

  1. It’s that time for me also which means liberal use of the word “fuck”….not in the context he would like to hear…and toss in a few ass-holes for good measure….told you we had a lot in common 😉

  2. Coincidentally, just yesterday I took L. to the clinic, then the drugstore to get her estrogen ‘scrip replaced. On top of a couple other things she’s got going on, right now i.e. a recurring G.I. problem (finally time to change one’s eating habits, maybe?) and a meniscus tear that’s still healing…hormonal distress is at least something (post-meonopausal) you can do something about, right? In any case she wasn’t going to get down there on her own, and I felt bad for her. Even a man can see it’s not fun…

    • Isn’t getting older grand? I’m afraid some habits die very hard, changing how to eat is very persnickety. L’s always had a chip on her shoulder about doing things her way, no matter what anyone else says. It’s the price of identifying as rebellious. Having dealt with a “rebel” in very close quarters, it was hard to watch someone act in a self-destructive manner because to change would be admit that maybe you were wrong, or at least misinformed, or even just older and wiser now.

      • Yeah Viv, you’re right. And the older you get the harder it is to change ANYTHING about yourself. Deliberately, I mean. ‘Cause in due course & over time there’s always gonna be the change(s) that come in one’s life no matter what you want, or don’t want…(p.s. great to get back that little note from Adrian yesterday)

  3. If I wasn’t so horribly broke right now from everything back to school related, I’d totally take that boxed clippers set from you. Any chance you’d be willing to hold on to it for me for a few weeks until I actually have money again and can pay the shipping?

  4. Wow, what a collection of interesting things you are getting rid of today! (Why is it I find your junk fascinating? I click through every photo.) I like the idea of bringing back the red tent to hide out in, unfortunately, if I was in the tent the only one left to make dinner is the dog. He’s cute but a lousy cook. …maybe i can just survive on spinach salads and chocolate covered almonds.

    • Interesting? Right. You probably like all the photos in a car crash kind of way, but please, KEEP ON CLICKING! It’s great for my stats, for whatever that’s worth. I could totally survive on spinach salads and chocolate covered almonds.

  5. Well……I am not on my period and utterly blew my top at two different people yesterday. Idiots totally deserved it mind you.
    I balance out the bitch in me by teaching yoga and being puke-nice while I do it…..unless I am also being a narky whilst teaching yoga which is often known to happen 🙂

Really? No way.

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