I Ate and I Slept (5376-5380)

I have an Italian friend who acts like a German. She is from a village so far north that they actually speak German so even though she is Italian, I call her the German.

Her English is pretty good but we keep our conversations rather succinct. One Monday I inquired about her weekend and she gave me the best answer I have ever heard.

“Ach! It was perfect. I ate and I slept.”

Let's do it, babe!

Let’s do it, babe!

Let me mention that she is fantastic with kids, perhaps one of the best babysitters out there (next to my beloved AK, of course). She worked in the daycare of my former gym and she was the first person I left a six week-old Scrotus with who wasn’t a close friend.

I always heaved a big sigh of relief whenever Paula was working. I sincerely felt that my children were safer with her than with me. Surely they’d turn out better.

So when she claimed that the perfect weekend consists of eating and sleeping, I gave it some serious thought. Maybe she’s got it all figured out. Perhaps that simplicity, that honoring of your body’s rhythms and hunger is just the antidote for this crazy world we live in.

This weekend I am eating and sleeping. I managed to foist arrange for the boys to have sleepovers at separate households; just the ticket because relations have seriously broken down.

As long as it isn't in my house, I don't care.

I don’t care as long as it isn’t in my house.

Testiclese is hanging out with Pamcakes’ son. On the drive over we had this conversation.

Testiclese: What is the biggest number in the world?

Me: There is no such thing. It is the nature of numbers to continue infinitely.

Testiclese: What does that mean?

Me: Numbers never end. I could write every waking hour of my life and then someone could take over after I’m gone, and someone after that until there aren’t people anymore and they’d still never come to the end.

Testiclese: Okay, what’s the name of that number?

Me: There is no name except for infinity. The numbers are so huge that we don’t even write them out the way you are used to. We talk about exponents and orders of magnitude.

Testiclese: What are those?

Me: This is something that you should wait to learn in school.

Testiclese: But I thought learning is good, why should I wait? Just tell me!

Me: There is no way I can teach you about conceptual math until you’ve had about eight years of math (and it would require that I actually know my ass from an exponent) HEY! LIGHTNING!

Testiclese: Okay, then what is infinity times infinity?

Me: Infinity. HOORAY! WE’RE HERE. (insert sigh of relief)


I escorted him inside so I could say hi to Pamcakes and express my deep appreciation for being relieved of conversations like the one I just had in the car for an evening. I took my leave after diagnosing the plantar’s wart she has on her foot as nascent epidermodysplasia verruciformis, or that horrible disease Tree Man has.

Lonny is taking Scrotus over to his buddy’s house and we are going to embark on an evening of eating and sleeping and I’m not going to worry about having too much of either.

Time to cut the crap. It’s a small offering but I have important business to get to.

Not pictured are a few small items that came home from camp. I seized a moment to dispose of them and didn’t have time to take a picture. I also don’t need a smoking gun if the kids ever bust me.

Pamcakes asked me for this recipe for Kale and Honeycrisp salad. In the spirit of eating things that taste really good, I’m reposting it.

One thought on “I Ate and I Slept (5376-5380)

  1. Pingback: Things That Make Me Cringe (5381-5422) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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