Extra High Quality Post (5290-5335)

There’s something new about me. Can you guess what it is?

Yes, I cut my hair, but I just trimmed my own bangs in a fit of frustration (to disastrous effect) because I’m waiting for my hairdresser to get back.

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But it’s not that; it’s something else. Something good.

The fact that this post didn’t start off with some kind of whine should be your first clue.

SCHOOL STARTED!

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We walked to school with the new neighbor girl and felt the warm, fuzzy sensation of once again being amongst my people.

Between teaching pole dance again (my first class was last night, hooray!) and seeing ALL THE OTHER KIDS MY GUYS CAN PLAY WITH WHICH MEANS THEY AREN’T BICKERING ALL THE TIME, I’m feeling back in the zone.

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Of course every single person I ran into was like, “How was your summer?” and I was like, “Summer? Who gives a shit? It’s over! O-V-E-R Isn’t that awesome?!  I mean, it was fun and everything (at times) and we went some cool places and did some cool things, but do you really care? Really?

It’s like that book about Scrabble where the dude is like, ‘And then I made this word, and then he made that word, so then I made this word, and then he made that word,’ for like 200 fucking pages. SNORE!

I don’t care about your summer vacation. I mean, I don’t want to be a bitch about it but summer is so yesterday. Let’s talk about now! Let’s talk about actual productivity and silence and drinking coffee while it’s hot.

Let’s talk about Happy Hour!

I LOVE YOU! I’M GOING TO GO HOME AND KISS MY DOG!”

I'm not saying this is me listening to you (okay, it might be) but it has got to be you listening to me.

I’m not saying this is me listening to you (okay, it might be) but it has got to be you listening me talk about my boring summer.

And now I’m at home with my feet on the dog and writing without feeling guilty for having to tune out everything around me. It’s bliss.

I turned on some music but then realized that silence that feels really good right now. Because now I don’t have to listen to a variation of this conversation:

Testiclese: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!

Me: Yes?

Testiclese: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!!

Me: SHEESH! YES! WHAT?! I’M RIGHT HERE!

Testiclese: In Karate, why do they always yell when they throw a punch or kick?

Me: I’m not positive but I think it’s because it helps them focus energy into the move.

Testiclese: No (duh). My teacher told me that it is because making sounds empties your body of air and then it doesn’t hurt as much to get hit.

Me: Then why are you asking me? Clearly you already know the answer.

Testiclese: (Punching himself in the stomach) See? It works. It didn’t even hurt! Come on, punch me!

Me: Don’t tempt me.

Testiclese (to Scrotus): Punch me!

Scrotus: Okay!  (punching him)

Testiclese: OW! That hurt! MOMMMMMM!!! Scrotus punched me!

Scrotus: He told me to!

Me: It’s true, I heard you tell him to.

Testiclese: But it hurt!

Me: Well maybe your karate teacher doesn’t know jack shit. (I didn’t say shit).

And then Minon just pointed out that FedEx driver is always “bumping” the Humpty Dance. Four days in a row. By the way, ladies, he’s single.

Okay. Enough of that. Time to cut the crap. Have you noticed how high the volume has been? This is quality you can expect from me now that my kids are in school. Woot!

BTW, Pamcakes, there is a little surprise in there just for you. Can you figure out which picture I’m talking about?

9 thoughts on “Extra High Quality Post (5290-5335)

  1. One time years ago when I was like in high school, I decided to cut my own bangs. I figured how hard can it be right. So I took my shower. Then while my hair was still wet I pulled my bangs down flat and cut them at my eyebrows. Being young and stupid, I didn’t know that wet hair stretches. So when it dried my bangs were shorter then the woman in the pic at the top of the post. LOL It was horrible! Especially since I have a high forehead.

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