I Like Mosquitos Because They Give Me An Excuse to Smack Tabby In The Face (4651-4670)

Not that I need an excuse.

She’s taking a perverse pleasure in ridding me of one of my most guiltless pleasures. Why should I feel bad about being a helpful customer? What could be wrong with making someone’s life easier and being extra tidy? What kind of monster would rob me of the pleasure of stacking plates, I mean, “crockery”?

Monster

Monster

She likes to call me on my bullshit, which is why I adore her. It is impossible to fly anything by her. But I’ll admit, when I saw that little bloodsucker on her forehead this morning, I seized the moment. I smacked her with the palm of my hand. Hard.

Tabby: What the hell!

Me: It was a mosquito! See! I got’im,” and showed her the remains on my palm.

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Tabby: I don’t care! You don’t just smack someone on the head!

Me: Geez. You Brits are so tetchy.

I went to my favorite Czech greasy spoon for breakfast this morning and I couldn’t restrain myself. I had to stack.

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But Tabby’s admonitions were echoing through my head so I decided to check it out.

Me: I hope you don’t mind but I just love to stack dishes.

Waitress: No problem, hun, it’s very helpful.

Me: I have a British friend who says that it is rude, makes you think you aren’t working fast enough and it gets you in trouble with your manager.

Waitress: Well you tell your friend that IN AMERICA we do it differently. I appreciate your help and clearly your British friend has no idea what she’s talking about.

She actually didn’t say that. She just said, “Hm. Nope. Not a problem.”

Time to cut the crap.

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More shit from my garage.

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Motor oil. We’re going to give it Uncle Al because he actually works on his car.

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Cross Country Ski boots from the turn of the century.

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Keyboard tray that mounts under a desk. FREECYCLE.

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Grout, sanded and unsanded. FREECYCLE.

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A couple dumb books and an “art” project. TRASH.

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I went through the boys’ backpacks for the first time since school got out (don’t judge). I just couldn’t face it. This is what is getting RECYCLED.

12 thoughts on “I Like Mosquitos Because They Give Me An Excuse to Smack Tabby In The Face (4651-4670)

  1. So that’s a picture of your British friend/nemisis Tabby? A very nice- looking woman. Kind of dangerous looking, too, though. Not sure I’d want to meet her on a dark night in a Boulder bar.

    BTW, I stack also, and in the dives where I eat it’s never been an issue. In fact, till you brought it up it had never occurred to me that anyone could possibly object.

    • She looks pretty innocent in that photo, I think it is from her wedding. She is intimidating, though. Especially if u are a British soccer (I mean football) player and she’s the team massage therapist. I heard that newcomers are warned about the evil skinny blonde.

  2. I hate mosquitos so I get twice the pleasure of smacking them on someones forehead. Hitting them and killing that sucker.
    I have those same cross country ski boots, except they are black and I left them in California with my ex.

  3. Wow- Missed this one yesterday as I was otherwise engaged sucking rattlesnake poison out of my Chihuahuas head!

    Practicing yoga in the park on Friday night with a group of over 500 other crazy people I noticed a bug on the person next to me. That was probably one of my most fulfilling yoga experiences smacking another yogi on the arse in the middle of a class.

  4. Pingback: Haters Gonna Hate (7392-7394) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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