Dead Man’s Soup (4786-4811)

I was a little peckish last night but too lazy to make anything meaningful. I dug a can of Amy’s soup out of my pantry and remembered that Lonny picked it up at an estate sale. It’s a dead man’s soup.


He was a disturbed soul. He believed in the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar and dug himself into his Lee Hill compound. Lonny was under the impression that he took his own life. I suppose it was a fate less painful than seeing all his preparations for naught and then being stuck with some profoundly shitty food.

Doomsdayists are bizarre creatures. They are almost gleeful about life as we know it ending and so disappointed when it doesn’t.


Lonny had a heyday at the sale and picked up some very useful things such as a new stainless steel gas grill, several canisters of propane (natch) lots of LED lights, a huge DVD collection (which I have no idea what to do with) a gorgeous Tiffany style dragonfly lamp which I have been coveting since my father got one 20 years ago, and a really beautiful Asian silk painting that I suspect might be valuable. All for less than $200.

The deceased’s ex was reticent to let the lamp or the painting go but I could tell that she just wanted to get the nasty business over with. His house was crammed with survival rations and he had several outbuildings stuffed with clothes and tools. Lonny arranged to have the clothes donated to the church he volunteers at. I suspect he had guns galore, too.

He also brought home tons of non-perishable food, like pasta sauce, noodles, canned soups and truffle oil (which apparently the dearly departed couldn’t bear facing the apocalypse without). Aluminum foil, cleaning supplies, plastic wrap, you name it, Lonny brought it home.

I don’t mind him picking this stuff up because it gets used and is the best kept secret about estate sales. Estate sales aren’t just for scoring priceless antiques, they are great for purchasing household goods for pennies.

Anyway, I heated up the soup and choked it down. It bore little resemblance to any Thai coconut soup I’ve ever eaten and I marveled over this guy’s thought process. Of all the foods you couldn’t live without, why this? It wasn’t even filling.

People are such a mystery to me. Heck, I’m a mystery to me.

Time to cut the crap.


Lonny found these under his desk. TRASH.


A broken water bottle I found under my car seat. TRASH.


A pencil sharpener (broken, natch) found behind the couch but FEAR NOT, we have three more. All purchased used, BTW. TRASH.


Glass wear. I purchased all of these for parties back in my days as a Stepford Wife. It’s the sturdy commercial grade stuff. We have SO MUCH glass wear, cool antique stuff, that I don’t need to keep this around. I’m selling all 22 pieces for $20.


Pretty and slightly fluted, the glass is more delicate than the others. 8 pc.


Commercial grade small goblets. They are bombproof, you could drop them on cement and they’d probably not break. 13 pc.


And this is the shit that has been piling up in my office. I’ve already accounted for it but it is leaving the house today.

16 thoughts on “Dead Man’s Soup (4786-4811)

  1. I’ve never been impressed with any Amy’s brand products. I think they’re mostly for Vegans who don’t mind eating shitty food.

  2. Ooooh, can I have the broken pencil sharpener? When the Revolution begins, I’ll have lots of time to try and fix it.

    Ok. Just kidding.

    • You are right, the lentil soup is good, especially when heated up with some baby spinach. I don’t know why they even went into production with the coconut one. Blech!

  3. Ok, so I completely bought this soup, but I haven’t even opened the can because I’m scared. Now… I know – I won’t be eating my Amy’s Thai Coconut soup. Thanks for trying it out for me!

    I usually LOVE LOVE LOVE Amy’s soups. I’m a fan of the ‘No Chicken Noodle’ since I’m a veggie. The microwavable meals aren’t that bad either.

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