My Hero (4777-4786)


I’m blogging from my bed and I’m not wearing any underwear. Seriously!

TMI? Not really, if you have been keeping up with my tale of WI-FI woe. After crying uncle after two hours with Apple Support, I was able to suss out at least part of the problem: an old and bunk Airport Extreme. It works, but not well enough.

Ever since I bought my zillion dollar Macbook air, I haven’t been able to use it unless I could physically see my wireless router, which kind of defeats the purpose of having one at all. How am I supposed to blog from the bathroom, people?

Anyway, I begged tasked Minion to find the right wireless router for me because I get all barefoot and pregnant when it comes to computers. I love using them but don’t expect me to know anything about how they work or the difference between two products. He starts to explain what does what and I’m like, “Just tell me which one to buy.”

The new router and back-up drive arrived today and Minion spent a morning in “connector purgatory” setting the thing up.

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He’s a secretive fellow. He kept shooting me crusties as I snapped photos. He was all, “What? Are you going to use my picture in your blog? I demand royalties!” and I was like, “Okay genius, what’s zero percent of zero dollars, which is what I am currently being paid?”

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My Hero.

I feel sorry for anyone who has to work at Lonny’s desk, except Lonny. I call it sitting in his own poopy diaper. (Thanks Nikki!)

He also ordered a new external drive for me because my old one has been acting up, refusing to mount to the desktop, etc. I suspect it’s a faulty connector but you can never be too sure.

He copied my Time Machine backup from the old drive to the new one and noticed that there were backups from way-back-when. Lonny took it upon himself to lecture me about this.

Lonny: “You have back-ups dating bak to 2011.”

Me: “I know. That’s how Time Machine works.”

Lonny: “But your drive is almost full. You should delete old back-ups to make space.”

Me: “Why? The drive is only used for Time Machine. It’s probably been this full for years. It will overwrite the old backups as needed.”

Lonny: “So you are just going to buy a new drive when this one fills up, which is now?”

Me: “Am I talking to myself? OVERWRITE!”

Lonny: “And you criticize me for having 30,000 unread emails in my inbox. Tsk.” (I’m not making this up).

Me: “I don’t see how these two things are related. You don’t even back your computer up. Ever. I at least read my emails.”

Lonny: “Fine.”

Me: “Whatev.”

And this is what we need Minion for.

But I’m going to double back here and tell you all (hi Babe!) how awesome Lonny is. I like to bag on him in the blog because I believe in truth it is more interesting reading but honestly, he is the best. I have never met an easier going, more even tempered person than him, which is good because I’m a high-strung harpy most of the time.

And he can fix the swamp cooler which is making a very bad sound right now.

Enough squishy stuff, time to cut the crap.

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Speaking of squishy, look at these guys fresh out of the creek. Ah, summer.

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Lemony and her teenage girl of a husband showed up a few days ago covered in drywall dust. I pointed them to my shower so they could freshen up for dinner. Since then I’ve cast a critical eye on my shower. Ew. I’m never going to use these tiny bottles up. Or the rubber band (??) or the crumbs of soap. TRASH (I’m not counting the band and soap, BTW).

I generously offered Scrotus $2 to clean the bathroom (which includes getting the mildew out of the grout) and he was like, “Hmm. $2. Let me consider it.” and I was like, “Why you ungrateful little worm! Now you will do it for NOTHING!” 8 years-old isn’t too young to be handing Tilex, is it?

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I have so many copies of Chicken Soup With Rice, Testy stuck this envelope to his wall but it fell off and the squeegee doesn’t work. TRASH.

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The boys is out of Kindergarten and I don’t know what the plastic things are but they’ve been sitting on my counter forever. TRASH.

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I’m not counting this or anything, I just find it amusingly stupid. Sip hole? Why thanks, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to figure out how to drink out of a fucking cup!

12 thoughts on “My Hero (4777-4786)

  1. the sip hole is for the cover….. if you put it on the other side coffee will drip down your shirt….causing you to drive off the road…. which leads you to call Frank Azar “the Strong Arm”…. in New Zealand they don’t have to do this.

    • I don’t get the strong arm thing. Please enlighten me. I have noticed that these mofos leak like crazy. Methinks reading the instructions might have helped.

      • Oh. I just googled him. He’s a Personal Injury Lawyer. Me? I’d Better Call Saul. This kind of think makes sense in the US but I had no idea New Zealanders were such pussies.

        The two Kiwis that drove the tuk-tuk into the clong in Chaing Mai were made of sturdier stuff, even if they did get deported from Thailand. TSK.

  2. So happy for your return to the cyber world! Believe it or not, I was sitting at home around 11:00 a.m. going, “Where the hell is Viv’s blog post for today? She must be in the shower doing that rubber band thing again.” Teehee! Seriously though…I miss your face!

  3. Let me know if you ever need help with your router (or any connectivity issues) again, and I can send Justin over. I didn’t marry an IT guy only to let his skills go unused!

  4. Pingback: Spamalot (4777-4786) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

    • I got your message and was all over it like white on rice. Alas, I cannot get connectivity in my kitchen or on my porch like I did before I got the new computer. I got a new wireless router, I updated the software on my OS, what else could it be?

Really? No way.

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