Customer Satisfaction (4593-4612)

I have come to accept that I may never have reliable wireless internet ever again. Ever. I showed up at the Apple Store this morning ready to go another round. I’ll spare you the blow-by-blow but the upshot (or upshit, as I had so Freudianly typed) is this:

Genius (and I’m dripping sarcasm here, but not really, because it isn’t the AppleWorker’s fault, they are very helpful and don’t radiate job dissatisfaction like most other customer service people): I’ve checked your notes and it looks like the calls you made to Apple Support pretty much exhausted all our resources.

Me: (No shit Sherlock. I wonder why they didn’t tell me that yesterday when I was sitting in this exact chair.) So that leaves me where?

Genius: You are going to have to wait for Apple to release a patch. But they’ve had enough complaints that I’m sure they are working very quickly to fix the problem.

I’m sure.

Me: (Which is otherwise known as JACK SHIT) I’ve heard some of the computers are being recalled for testing, is this one of them?

Genius: No. You will have the same problem with any computer (that has the new OS and WI-FI card). But you might consider purchasing an ethernet adaptor as a stopgap.

Me: (LIAR) I’m not spending any more money on this computer. Can you givelend me one until this issue is resolved (or else I’ll return this defective, overpriced machine and get a PC that works, but who am I kidding, I’ll never leave Apple BUT THIS IS HOW YOU REWARD MY LOYALTY)?

Genius: We don’t have a system set up for that.

Me: (WELL FUCKING MAKE ONE UP!) Look, I don’t read discussion boards, how am I supposed to know when the patch comes out?

Genius: You get alerts about updates on your computer.

Me: (Thanks for stating the obvious but allow me to state the obvious in saying THAT REQUIRES AN INTERNET CONNECTION WHICH I DON’T HAVE! What I’m asking for is some customer support.) Yes, but since I don’t have reliable internet so the application updater doesn’t work, I’ve tried. Can you put me on an email distribution list so I can come in to have it installed ifwhen if arrives?

Genius: For security reasons we can’t do that.

Me: (You’re shitting me.) Huh?

Genius: I’m so sorry. I realize I am telling you that your Macbook Air, which is designed to be lightweight and portable so you can use it anywhere with a WI-FI connection has a busted WI-FI and I don’t have any answers. That is upsetting.

Me: (YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES! Not that it makes any difference). Right.

I’m such a pussy.

I packed up the boys who were getting a tutorial on how to download apps onto the iPad from (I’m not kidding) a three-year old. The kid was all, “Go to the home screen, select Appstore, type in Minequest Free and press download.” My head was spinning.

I have enough friends complain about how Minequest has zombiefied their kids (and I’ve been way underwhelmed by the craptastic graphics) that I jerked them out of there lickety-split.

What’s the best way to get your kids unaddicted to Minequest? Don’t let them start. I know I’m going to die trying.

Once outside I was trying not to let my foul mood infect the boys but their helpful hints were making me testy.

Me: Grrrr.

Boys: What’s wrong.

Me: My new computer isn’t working and they aren’t doing jackshit about it. Oops, don’t swear boys, it makes you sound ignorant.

Boys: Why doesn’t it work?

Me: It’s complicated.

Boys: Why don’t you sell it and get another one?

Me: I could exchange it but the next one will have the same problem.

Boys: Then why don’t you get a different kind of computer?

Me: Because I like this computer. And I know they will fix it eventually. I don’t want a PC brick with a weird keyboard. I like my Apple. I love my Apple. I just want it to wooooorrrrrk!!!!

At this point I was sounding like a petulant toddler and had to stop.

Okay, I promise this will be my last iRate post. I’ve been known to break promises but I’m gonna try because I’m starting to bore myself.

I’m at the pool right now with the boys typing this post on my useless computer. I tried to poach some free internet but out of 34 networks, only one says “public” and it doesn’t work. Of course. So I’m forced to compose in OpenOffice and hope for the best later.

Here are some of my favorite network names: IveSeenYouNaked, TskTsk, ManClan, BieberFever and weresocool. Yes, you were so cool, says the woman with a broken down $1500 computer who doesn’t have the stones to throw a decent hissy fit and get some free shit thrown in for my trouble.

Oh there I go again.

Here’s a funny picture I snapped the other day when walking with Tabby. There are two parking lots that serve the trail we walk on. One is small and right on the trail, the other is large and just across the street.



Pretty clear, right?

We go early to avoid other dogs and the heat so usually there is ample space in the closer one. This morning there was tons of space yet, inexplicably Tim Cook chose to park right underneath TWO no-parking signs. As if there weren’t four spaces right there, and about 200 more across the street.

It worries that people like this drive. How did he park his car with his head shoved so far up his ass? Why does he even have a driver’s license because last I checked, being able to see is a requirement. Whatever.


Time to cut the crap.

Last night I took up these Flor carpet tiles in the boys’ room. The adhesive was failing and I was always shifting them back into place. I lifted one up and there was so much grit under one of them that the floor was getting screwed up, so I removed them.

My floor after Flor. And yes, the floor was clean when I installed them.

My floor after Flor. And yes, the floor was clean when I installed them.

I’m not so sold on them anymore. I thought they were pretty nifty when they first came out, them being washable and modular and all that. But they are pricey as hell and don’t stay put and after several years of kicking them around, I can’t see why they are any better than using area rugs.

20 tiles.

20 tiles.

I was about to post them on Rock’n’Moms but Lonny said he could use them in his garage. Hey, as long as they are out of the house.

8 thoughts on “Customer Satisfaction (4593-4612)

  1. I have long maintained that Apple is colluding with Starbuck’s to create a Master Race of caffeine-addled tech addicts who cannot function without having some sort of device permanently attached to or otherwise within arm’s reach of their person at all times…I hate everything to do with the whole Apple brand, Steve Jobs and shiny silver iProducts…he was a massive douchebag with a superiority complex the size of Connecticut. I don’t think he’s dead; he’s floating above the planet in his tricked out man-cave of a spaceship laughing at us. And when we are all too brainwashed to care or fight back, he will descend back to earth to take his place as Supreme Ruler. I will help lead the resistance with my 12-year-old HP PC that still has a dial-up connection.

  2. And this is why I make the Ex Hubs handle our Apple products, cell phones, car insurance…. I’m bound to guano on someone and wind up in jail if it’s left to me. He’s terrified of being left alone with the children for more than a weekend so in order to keep me out of prison for murder by phone beating, he is always happy to take over.

  3. It is at these times I am very thankfully for my nerdy husband and all of his computer wisdom.

    I causally mentioned your latest … ‘adventures’ with internet on your air, and without even going into details he cuts me off and says ‘yeah, there’s a known bug with wireless on those, Apple should be releasing a firmware update for it soon’ so for what it’s worth, there are other people out there going through the same experience. Misery loves company?

  4. It is at times like these that I am very thankful for my geeky husband and all of his computer/internet wisdom.

    I causally mentioned your recent ‘adventures’ with your air & internet and he cuts me off and says ‘yeah, there’s a known wireless issue with them because the air is using this new technology that has bugs, but Apple should be releasing a patch soon’ so for what it’s worth, you are not alone. Misery loves company?

    • Misery does love company but it is dispiriting to know that even the savviest computer whiz out there can’t fix this, it’s up to Apple. I feel so helpless (as I blog from the laundromat).

  5. Pingback: Racist Comments & Other Matters of Great Importance (4811-4824) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply