Dog Beard (4671-4675)

I recently learned about dog bearding from Stefé. Thank GOD I know younger people because without them I would live in a world devoid of important popular culture. … which means my father would be even further behind the times than me. I must have discussed fail videos recently (although honestly, I can’t remember) and […]

I Like Mosquitos Because They Give Me An Excuse to Smack Tabby In The Face (4651-4670)

Not that I need an excuse. She’s taking a perverse pleasure in ridding me of one of my most guiltless pleasures. Why should I feel bad about being a helpful customer? What could be wrong with making someone’s life easier and being extra tidy? What kind of monster would rob me of the pleasure of […]

Air Horn Kid (4640-4650)

Pamcakes’ son attended Sunflower Farms Camp this week with my boys. On the last day she joined me at the coffee shop to enjoy some free wi-fi and pretend to work while what we actually did was watch fail videos on youtube. Pamcakes: “Do you ever laugh at inappropriate times?” Me: “All the time.” Pamcakes: […]

Teambuilding (4626-4639)

I love walking Blue early in the morning. Summers are great we can walk at 5:30 and it is plenty warm and light; and at that hour I don’t run the risk of him ripping anyone’s face off. He’s that vicious. There is a Segueway um, walking? tour outfit that HQs out of a house […]

Extreme Stacking Behavior (4916-4925)

I really ought to be more organized because I in my heart I am a compulsive stacker. I also love flow charts and databases. Whenever we go out to dinner I feel compelled to stack all the plates up and clear the table for the server. I’ve never worked as a waitress (I’m too cranky […]

Daisy Cutter (4890-4915)

Daisy Cutter: def Originally designed to create an instant clearing in the jungles of Vietnam, the BLU-82B/C-130 was test-dropped there from aCH-54 Tarhe “Flying crane” helicopter. Later it was used in Afghanistan as an anti-personnel weapon and as an intimidation weapon because of its very large lethal radius (variously reported as 300 to 900 feet/100 to 300 meters) combined […]

Beauty Walk (4883-4889)

Blue woke Lonny up at 4:30 with some urgent, uh, Wookie sounds. Lonny tried to put him off but Blue had to go. Of course this didn’t stop him from getting me up at 5:45 to go for his morning walk. Our walks fall into three categories. The Shapoopie: A walk born of a physiological […]

This Is Your Wake-Up Call (4864-4882)

Testiclese: “Mama?” Me: “I’m standing right here. What’s up?” Testiclese: “Mama, I was wondering if, uh …” Me: Patience. Patience is a virtue. “Yes. You were wondering what?” Testiclese: “Hey Mama, I, um, I, well.” Me:  Sigh. “Spit it out, son.” Testiclese: “Uh, Mama, how long ago was 2001?” Me: Easy one. Whew. “Let’s see. 2013 minus 2001 is 12 years.” Testiclese: “And, […]

Tuesdays Are For Stupid Dog Videos (4835-4863)

Oh. Did you want to see a dog video? I know you are just dying to see Blue do something asinine. Here is a video of him satisfying his bloodlust for cantaloupe. He’s such a weirdo. He could steal just about whatever he wants off the counter, it being snout level and all. The only […]

Working Hard or Hardly Working? (4825-4834)

I have really been putting my back into this summer vacation thing. I’ve caught myself gushing to other moms about how great summer is! And how fantastic it is to not have the boys in camp! We can wake up when we want! I don’t have to worry about packing lunches or getting anywhere on […]