Everything I Touch Turns To Shit (4354-4357)

This has not been a good season for sewing. I blame myself. I departed from my Number One Cardinal Rule of sewing. Only use patterns that I know work, i.e., patterns I’ve made before.

But I have to tell you, the allure of a new pattern is so strong. I go to the fabric store and I flip through the glossy catalogues of all these great outfits and I’m like, “I can make that!”

And I can, but I don’t know if it will 1) Fit and 2) Look anything like the picture.

I’m going through a body image crisis right now and I’m convinced I’ve gained 50 pounds. I am a pattern size 10 (which correlates to vintage dress sizes, FYI. I’m a 5-7 in today’s clothing) but since I’ve ballooned out of control, I must be at least a size 14. So I cut the size 14 and surprise surprise, it’s too big, so I have to take it apart and alter it down. I’ll cop to that error.

The rest I blame on the patterns. And my body, which I blame my children for.


My first mistake was going by an illustrated cover. This is fashion drawing and doesn’t reflect real proportions. I should also know better than to wear anything with a bunch of fabric bulk, my frame can’t handle it. I also don’t have a tiny waste. My stomach is flat(ish) but I am not a narrow person, unless you are talking about my outlook on life. FREE PATTERN ANYONE?


I look like a damn whale. I like this fabric and since there are 10 yards of it in the skirt alone, I’m going to try to reuse it to make a dress that I know I like.

GOD! THIS IS SO HORRIBLE! I WANT MY DAY BACK! And my $50 in fabric. I swear, anyone who says they want to sew is crazy. It’s cheaper, faster and more cost effective to buy something at the store, preferably thrift or consignment.


This looks super cute, too. And it’s “easy”. I’ve been sewing for 26 years and I’m still baffled by what pattern makers classify as easy. Sure, I can do it, but it’s not easy. But doesn’t she look all slim and Mia Farrow like? TRASH.


Nice hospital gown, don’t you think? IT’S SO HIDEOUS! And the arm openings are too small so it binds me in the pits. Anyone want it? It’s yours. FREE.


I feel like I have to prove that I actually can sew and aren’t as wide as a Mack truck. I made this last year. Cute, no? I’m going to make something else with this pattern because this dress is great.

21 thoughts on “Everything I Touch Turns To Shit (4354-4357)

  1. You know the “body-image” thing is anything but rational. Take it from me, you don’t look like a whale. Not even close.

  2. The dress looks huge indeed. Whenever I sew something new I try to make a muslin before cutting my good fabric. I will also save you from frustration.

    I’m making a muslin now of a pair of pants and I’m crossing my fingers!

    • Nope. Not gonna do the muslin thing, because then I have to make two dresses. It’s one thing if you are using a really expensive fabric, but otherwise I can make one dress and either I love it or I hate it. If I make a muslin, I can love it but then I have to make another one.

      It’s smart if you are using wool or silk. You won’t catch me trying to make pants. With all my experience, I don’t trust myself to get the hang just right.

      Good luck with your project, send me a picture when it’s done. It might inspire me to try again!

  3. Viv I’m so impressed with your sewing! I don’t know the first thing about using a sewing machine, but I’ve always wanted one. The fact that you can take a pattern, and you know what to do with it is awesome. The neckline on the second one is so cute! Too bad it’s binding! The last dress is my favorite 😀
    And you don’t look like a whale! You’re gorgeous, so again, please shut up! 🙂

  4. Well, that last dress is awesome. You look great in it! I sew too and sometimes I can’t believe I have spent a day making something that just ends up looking like crap and nothing like the pattern picture. Yes, and then there’s that cost of the fabric – what a waste. However…I am right now wearing a dress that you made and freecycled to me and it’s beautiful! I love how well made it is; the french seams, the finishing, etc. etc. My husband loves it. (It’s the pinkish long sundress). Anyway, just thought I’d chime in. :> Nicolle

  5. You are too hard on yourself…the 2nd dress looks great on you…the third dress is dynamite. Before I read you were keeping this one I was ready to have Lindsey drive down the alley and pick it up!
    Knitting is the same way…I have hundreds of dollars of yarn in a sweaters that I could have purchased for much less…and they wouldn’t have any mistakes.

    • I decided long ago to not go there with knitting. Talk about an expensive way to get a sweater! I know the process is enjoyable (unless you ruin everything you make and just end up angry and bitter) but you can buy a consignment sweater for next to nothing.

    • The second dress was very uncomfortable. I have very broad shoulders and chest so it binds terribly. If you are my size (medium) without freakish pole dancer lats, I’ll send it to you.

  6. I’m totally impressed with your sewing! I am in awe. But I have to agree that the third dress looks the best on you. I love all three fabrics, especially the first and the third.

  7. Pingback: Sometimes the Magic Works (4408-4410) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

  8. Pingback: Jesus Loves You (4634-4717) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply