Last Two Weeks of School (4057-4072)

The last two weeks of school is like the last two weeks of pregnancy.

I was so huge and heartburny and my back hurt and my feet hurt and I was sick and fucking tired of everyone wanting to know when I was due and what’s the baby’s name (Scrotus, if you must know) and am I having a boy or a girl and am I going to do a home birth (No? Avert eyes, tsk and quote some dumb fucking statistic about c-sections and how women have been having babies for millions of years without hospitals and I’m practicing my Lamaze breathing to keep from completely detonating) and I think,



Five weeks to go! Can you dig how the pickle flavored chips are the same color as my peignoir?

But you know what? It was, but at least there were cute baby lips to smooch all the time. And then they got all big and it’s all just a bunch of vague memories about a moment in time. I’m psyched about my family, it was worth it.

Well, the last two weeks of school are similar. It’s like hazing. It is so full of after school events, field trips to chaperone, class parties to cater, going away parties, retirement parties, fundraisers, clean-up projects, NOT TO MENTION the gauntlet of daily bake sales that I have to side-step each day after school and endure the howls of protest when I tell my boys for the billionth time that, “No, you can’t have a brownie and a cupcake and a cookie. Like you did yesterday. And the day before that.”

And IT IS ALL SPRUNG ON YOU AT THE LAST SECOND so you are like, I CAN’T WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO BE OUT! Three months with my kids at home? Sounds relaxing.

But newborns and summer vacation are not relaxing, we know that. That’s why the two weeks prior suck so bad, so we actually look forward to the change, even if the change is just as challenging.

Have you ever read Wool? If you haven’t, you should. It doesn’t have anything to do with knitting and it’s a great piece of post-apocolyptic fiction which, for some reason, I am drawn to. I think I have a streak of survivalist in me. I still have an embarrassing amount of freeze dried food and a solar oven in my basement from when I was pregnant with Testy and everyone I was freaking out about Avian Flu.

I ill-advisedly read Preparing for the Pandemic, and me being pregnant and broody, stocked up on survival rations. I fantasized about fortresses. My dream home, at the time, was a house featured in the NYTimes Magazine which was built from shipping containers and could be sealed up tight with a system of gears only accessible from the inside.

This isn’t the one I dreamt of, it was even more fortress-y, but you get the idea.

I thought, “Perfect! Then the hoards can’t get my supplies and we won’t starve to death as society crumbles around us! And we could have a gun turret!” Zeb indulged me with the freeze dried food but drew the line at buying mountain property and a bunch of storage containers.

Oh, back to Wool.


As people are being sent to their death – AKA Outside the silo fortress – where they are vide0-fed a false image of a Utopia on the outside so they actually leave the silo … and die from the poisoned atmosphere. They would never leave if they saw how fucked up it was outside, but because they think it’s all hunky dory out there, they traipse off over the hills and croak. Dissidents executed. Disaster averted.


Boy, this is a really cynical attitude towards summer vacation. Ah well, like anything hard you just put your head down and go. There are some moms that are sad when summer is over. I don’t think that will be me but I like to think I can get into the spirit of things.

It will be interesting to see what all that “togetherness” does to my writing. Either it will get really slap-dash or super exciting because my kids will be annoying me extra much which will inspire daily Turrett’s-like, stream-of-conciousness, profanity laced posts that have become my calling card.

I doubt I will have the time to create the finely crafted posts you have become accustomed to. AHAHAHAHAHA!

Something to look forward to. Time to cut the crap.


Marcia gives me a subscription to the Nutrition Action Newsletter every year for Christmas. It is the only health magazine worth reading (IMO) and it is a short read, just 10-15 pages. No fads, no product placement, just studies aimed at verifying or disproving claims. Of course I keep them all, I don’t know why. I’m recycling them.


More receipts to scan and recycle.

Featured image courtesy of

7 thoughts on “Last Two Weeks of School (4057-4072)

  1. You know, Viv. You have a way with words. All your posts are interesting, even when they are about getting rid of crap in your house. I really love reading your posts. All of them. Even your old ones. I might be considered a blog stalker. :/ haha

  2. I agree, this blog is entertaining and sometimes informative. I have actually learned a few things that I didn’t know. It’s also inspirational.

    A couple days ago I rearranged my bedroom. Something I have not done in the nearly 6 years I have lived here. Simply because I didn’t think it was possible. You see the living room and the kid’s bedrooms all have these little square heaters built into the wall, so they don’t take up much space. But the master bedroom for some fucked up reason, has a baseboard heater. Under the window no less. Which means you’ve got an almost entire wall that is useless. Then another wall is fully taken up by the closet and the door. A 3rd wall you get about 2/3 of it and then there’s the door to the master bathroom. And so you really only have 1 full wall in there. So that’s the wall that I put my bed against. And my dresser was on the same wall as the bathroom door. It really left very little space.

    Well I’m friends with my neighbors across the hall. They have the exact same floor plan as me just in reverse. Their apartment faces south, mine faces north. The master bedrooms are in the exact same spot with just a wall between us. So this past weekend they rearranged their room and I was so impressed with how much space it gave them that I decided to do the same to mine. But it meant taking the closet doors off and putting the dresser in the closet. Then the bed is put against the wall with the bathroom door. Ok so it sticks out about 6 inches into the bathroom doorway, not a huge deal. And I can’t open my bedroom door all the way but it’s open though that I don’t have to squeeze through, I can easily walk straight though the doorway. But the amount of room that I gained, holy crap it’s worth it.

    And as a bonus, it was the motivation that I needed to clean out my closet. I had tons of shoes and clothes and other crap that I haven’t worn or used in ages (a lot of it from when I was working full time outside the home, dress clothes and whatnot). Course with the clothes, most of it is cause none of it fits anymore, happens when you gain weight. But I pulled out all of this stuff. I have a box full of shoes to donate. My daughter snagged one pair of nice black heels she can use for choir at school. (scary when your kid gets old enough that she’s got the same size feet as you) And then we filled up a lawn and leaf size garbage back literally stuffed full of clothes. And it’s one of those bags that can expand and so it’s extra super full. LOL

    So my point here, is that not only was I inspired by my neighbors, but you inspire me too Viv. My apartment isn’t dirty, but it’s cluttered and I hate the clutter. I don’t have the energy to clear out the clutter at the rate you do, but I’m slowly working on it.

    Woo I wrote a book. LOL

    • Wow! That’s a helluva comment! But kudos to you for your massive project. I’m all for just jumping in there. Sometimes you have approach a problem in a way that leaves no room for bailing out or doing it half-assed. When it’s time to change out the seasonal clothes, everything comes out and is dumped on the floor. That way I have to go through every single item, fold it or hang it up, or put it in the pile to go. It’s the only way.

      I feel your pain with the messed up floor plans. Our house is the same way. It’s an old Victorian that has doors/windows/gigantic radiators everywhere. In each room there is usually only one place a bed can go, unless you feel like climbing over it to get to the bathroom.

      Keep up the great work!

    • Oh and I forgot to mention, school here doesn’t get out until mid June. And this year it’s um, (checks school calendar for last day) June 13th. Then they don’t go back until after Labor Day. But it is funny how the last couple weeks of school you’re counting the days cause you can’t wait for it to be over. Then like the last month of summer vacation, you’re really counting the days until it’s over. lol

      • I would prefer your calendar. It’s still snowing here and when school starts up in the middle of August, it’s still blisteringly hot. Our schools don’t have any A/C and the rooms have been clocked at 100 degrees. I like to say that summer vacation starts before summer begins and ends before it is over.

Leave a Reply