Parkinglot Scuffle (3994-4017)


I think every city is full of idiots and people who live completely in their own worlds. However, Boulder seems to have cornered the market on people who are totally in la-la-land all the time. Is it the MMJ? The altitude? THE FLOURIDE IN THE WATER?!?!

Just kidding, I don’t give a shit about flouride in the water.

I had just picked up groceries at my local grocery store when I witnessed a perplexing situation. There was a car parked in the middle of one of the lanes in the parking lot. The driver was outside of the car and talking to another driver.

Oh, they had an accident.

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Look at all those parking spaces! I bet she could have pushed her car in if needed.

I took a quickie gander at the situation because first aid might have been needed and I’m a certified provider! A glance revealed that the car parked in a space – like it should be – had a scrape on the bumper while the other driver parked her car in the middle of the lot so they could exchange info.

Yet there were empty parking spaces just feet away.

Enlighten me here. Is there a law that you can’t move your car 5 feet from the scene of the accident, that you must stop your car right where the accident happened, or else you will go to jail?

She wasn’t in my way but I find this kind of thing endlessly amusing so I took a few pictures (samaritan that I am) and sat back to watch the drama unfold. It didn’t take long for a line of cars to back up behind the woman’s parked car.

One man was waiting to leave and she said, “We’ve just been in an accident. We’ll be done in a few minutes.” as they used the hood of her car for a writing surface. Maybe it’s my perception, but there was a distinctly shitty tone in her voice.

Now I didn’t see the extent of the damage to her car so it’s possible that the accident debilitated her car, but it’s unlikely.

I wanted to say, “Do you want me to call a tow truck for you? Maybe 911?” but I decided that would be kind of a snarky thing to do to a person who was already having a bad day.

She was all lah-dee-da-I’m-so-oblvious (or too important) to care that there were two people parked-in, plus a clusterfuck of cars trying to back out of the lane or squeeze by. Ah, Boulder oblviousness.

Slow news day. Time to cut the crap.

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I raided my medicine cabinet. Actually, I have this stuff in a locked box. I don’t think my kids would be so bone headed as to eat a bunch of pills, but you never know. Everything here expired between 2003 and 2008. Don’t tell me  you will take it off my hands because I’ve had it with drug seekers. Why haven’t I taken this stuff? I’ll tell you, because all Vicodan or Oxy does to me is TAKE THE PAIN AWAY. Seriously, I don’t find this stuff remotely recreational. Jeannie, who has a degree in neurology so she should know, says that it just proves that I have a healthy brain. Well what do you know? I’m dropping it off at the pharmacy to be disposed of. Like, now.

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Cloth diapering stuff. I’m giving them to Kiki. I was a huge champion for home laundered cloth diapers. Fuzzibunz and the Moby Wrap, were the best thing that happened to me when I had babies. She doesn’t know a thing about this stuff so maybe these will pique her interest.

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Pants that Testiclese grew out of in, like, a week. The other day at school I saw him standing next to one of Scrote’s friends. I thought, “That’s funny, Jimmy shrank.” and then I realized that Testy had just shot up. I like to think it is his varied diet.

He actually ate a raw oyster once. I think I was 23 before I screwed up the nerve to try one. We had them at The Cushie’s for New Year’s Eve and he wanted to know what we were eating. I asked him if he wanted to try one and, shockingly, he said yes. He slid it into his mouth and chewed it. A lot. I told him he could just swallow it whole.

I asked him what he thought and he said, “Well, it’s not the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” What a polite thing to say.

4 thoughts on “Parkinglot Scuffle (3994-4017)

  1. This is a unique place of la-la-ness. Like people crossing Pearl who realize their shoes are untied and they should just stop RIGHT there and tie their shoe, and then, oh, look! The mountains! Let’s take a picture. No worries, weird pedestrian. I was just driving. I can wait for your brain to remember to finish crossing the road.

    • Right? People in this town, why do we even have traffic lights? I live downtown and people just cross against the light whenever they want. They don’t even have the decency to make the “Oops, sorry!” face and hurry up.

  2. I don’t think that woman was oblivious. She was playing it for all the attention she could get. You know the type at the checkout. They dicker with the clerk about their coupons. They fiddle endlessly with their purse-of-many-buttons to get to their . . . check book. Which they will then balance well after their cart is ready, well after receipt is in hand, which they’ll have to check and double check, and maybe dicker some more. Price check! Maybe decide they really don’t need that bottle of Clorox. They know they’re inconveniencing everybody. That’s their intent. Everybody ignores them because they’re obnoxious–unless they can find some pretext to force everybody to deal with them and their obnoxiousness. They’re like streakers, but what’s on display is passive-aggressive neediness for attention.

    • Ah yes, I know the type. They don’t like me at all because I usually am standing too close or breathing wrong or in a good mood or simply existing. Bored and angry people are the worst.

Really? No way.

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