It’s Blue’s birthday! He turned three today and it’s also the anniversary (more or less) of his joining our family. Of course we had to do something special.
Me: What should we get Blue for his birthday?
Testicles: Let’s get him a marrow bone. Or a cow penis!
Aw shit. The Bully Stick incident.
My neighbor, who is also a pediatric nurse practitioner, firmly believes that one should never deceive their children. About anything. Which includes Santa. I suck at the Easter Bunny and Toothfairy thing anyway so I use moral superiority as an excuse for unimaginative parenting.
One day I brought home a Bully Stick for the dog to chew on.
12″ No odor. Now we’re talking!
Of course Testy wanted to know what it was so I told him. It’s a cow penis. Boy oh boy, did they ever run with that one. I kept it in the car to keep Blue occupied when we drove around and I had to endure the boys screaming, “Don’t touch me with the penis!”, “Ew, the penis touched me!” “I’ve got your penis!”
Fortunately Blue ate the damn thing (ew) and they dropped the whole penis thing. And yes, I told them that it wasn’t polite to talk about penises and vaginas, especially at school and if they did, I wouldn’t rescue them from the principal’s office.
God, wouldn’t you just love to have that job? There is so much comedic opportunity here.
I thought they forgot about it until today, when I asked them what we should get for Blue’s birthday. Testy chimed in with Cow Penis and I stood there deflated.
The cashier at Turduckin’s had to suppress a snort when we rolled up to the counter with a Hide A Squirrel dog toy, which is marginally less embarrassing than the Hide The Sausage toy that they sell down the street at the sex shop.
This is what truth gets you.
Time to cut the crap.
I’m so into spring right now, it’s hard to focus on the task at hand.
Today I have some plastic cups which, frankly, we never use, some Blue Curacao I bought for a black-light party that actually does not flouresce (it’s Midori that glows), a bra one of our renters left behind, a choke chain I never have used on Blue, a couple PJ tops handed down from a friend who’s kid was a total shit and I don’t like to see my boys wearing anything that reminds me of that turd, and a bunch of stuff stuck to my fridge. That’s 13.
Happy birthday my Kablooey, my Diggity Dog, my Chuffmaster, Mr. Flappy Lips, I love you, Dummy! Let’s gain 20 more pounds this year, okay?
You’re smiling again, good. That dog is only THREE? For some reason I’m surprised. Wouldn’t be his canine gravitas, would it? Well Happy Birthday anyway, Blue! p.s. I see you’ve snagged another reader (besides me, I mean) in Eugene, OR. Gray & rainy? You should be here this week, it’s been perfectly sunny, warm & dry.
Funny, you are the only person who is surprised he is three, most think he’s younger, mostly because of how skinny he is and how he moves. He moves like a puppy, very uncoordinated.
Yes, I have a Eugene follower (hooray!) I hope one day to take the boys to the Country Fair. What good times those are.
Hi, I’m sure your talking about me. Yup gorgeous weather this week. Supposed to be 75 today. I’m loving it.
Indeed we are!
Happy Birthday, Blue! 🙂 Bully sticks are good for you too! My dog-at this very moment, is chewing on a marrow bone. 🙂
I’m going to have to get one for him. For now he will have to make due with penis.
I just made my dog park article. 🙂 http://endofmyleash.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/dog-parks/
Great piece, Heather. I see lots of that kind of thing going on. Fortunately Blue has a very long fuse (at least when it comes to being harassed by other dogs, kids … not so much). Everyone likes to pick on him because he’s the biggest dog in the pack, but he takes it in stride. Since we’ve been going to the park, he seems to have become much more relaxed.
I missed something? Why is it a bull penis? 🙁
Why is it a bull penis? Because that’s what Bully Sticks are. I guess they are superior to rawhide or something. Waste not, want not.
Really??? I had no idea! You gave the truth to Test & JTI
Wow, has it really been that long??
When customers ask me what bully sticks are made of, I say “pressed rolled beef,” because it’s true. Sometimes though, they are apparently just testing me to see if *I* know what it is, because then they will kind of snicker and say “Really? Are you suuuuure?” or something until I sigh and say “Yes, it’s cow penis.” Sheeeeesh people!
Well, it is beef. Heheh. Yes, it has been a year. That is the LAST time I ever dog-sit!
I can totally visualize you having this conversation. It makes me kind of laugh. The stuff we have to put up with!