Bitch at the Dogpark or Antisocial Behavior (3922-3946)


I am a friendly person, maybe too friendly. Once my sister-in-law said that she thought my best animal analogue would be a Chocolate Lab. Now keep in mind that my husband – her brother – believes in his heart of hearts that Labs are the stupidest, most useless, simple minded dogs out there. Hopefully this isn’t a belief held by the entire family.

I asked her to elaborate and she said that I’m the kind of person who bounds right up, says hello and wants to play. Okay, I’m going to take that as a compliment.

I like to think that I carry that spirit of good times with me to the dog park. Our dog park is amazing. Uh-maze-ing. It’s gigantic, with excellent drainage onto a pea gravel surface, several fenced off areas dedicated to small dogs and areas for less rowdy play, two double gated “air locks” for getting your dogs in and out without releasing all the hounds into the parking lot, compostable poop bags and a poop composting receptacle. Oh, and there are wind and sun shelters, picnic tables (which you would be INSANE to eat on because dogs like to stand on them) and fenced off “islands” where trees have been planted to create shade, eventually.

I’ve been taking Blue there several times a week because all those people and dogs seems to be helping with his socialization. Call it immersion therapy. One day I was at the park and couldn’t believe how much poop was left on the ground. Seriously, it couldn’t be easier to pick up your dog poop. Being the good samaritan that I am, I loaded up several bags of abandoned turds and composted them on my way out. I believe in doing a little extra.

So I was at the park yesterday and I was monitoring a rather chaotic doggy situation and keeping an eye on my kids at the same time. Blue hunched out a good one and I bagged it up and headed for the composter, located outside the air-lock. I was hesitant to leave the boys and I noticed a woman with a bag in-hand heading in the same direction. Me, being the helpy person I am, assumed that others might be similarly inclined.

I caught up with her and said, “Excuse me, are you heading for the dumpster?” She turned fixed me with her stink-eye and said, “Why do you ask?” Her voice was like an arctic blast of Fuck Off.

I'm not saying that I'm Marilyn or anything ...

I’m not saying that I’m Marilyn or anything …

Whoa! Back up, change directions, I misread that one. “Uh, I’m headed in that direction. I can take yours for you.”

“No.”

Okay, I guess it’s weird to ask someone to carry your poop to the dumpster, but IT’S IN A BAG and YOU ARE ALREADY CARRYING ONE and I NEVER EVEN BROUGHT IT UP and I OFFERED TO TAKE YOURS so could you just be fucking friendly? Sheesh!

Why do people like this go to the dog park? It’s where you go to let your dog play and chat with like-minded friendlies. This woman could use some socialization of her own.

Okay, time to cut the crap. Zeb says this project is stressing him out because I’m “all over the place” with my purging. Well excuuuuuuse me. But, in the interest of world peace, I’ll pick a corner. I’m working on the porch these days because it will give me the most bang for my buck. It bothers me that the first thing my clients see (besides the dogged out back yard) when then roll up, is all the stuff on my porch.

So, for one, I’m reupholstering the cushions on my couch, this time with something the squirrels will (hopefully) find less yummy. Those bushy tailed bastards destroyed these cushions within a month of me getting these cushions redone. Don’t they look great? I’ve noticed they leave vinyl alone so I’m trying again.

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My porch looks like such shit.

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I’m going to get Blue a squirrel for his birthday. Hopefully the one that did this.

The next thing I’m doing is banishing stuffing things under the couch because, you know what? My guests are at eye level with the underside of the couch as they approach the porch. If it’s under there, it probably hasn’t been seen for years. I’m getting rid of the junk and putting the useful stuff somewhere where it will be, well, useful.

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This is stuff that has been wedged into the crack between the couch and chair. I’m getting rid of that chair the first chance I get.
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This is what it looks like now. I intend to keep it this way. It’s good for business.

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This is all the crap that I hauled out from between the couch and chair. I’m trashing/donating all of it. Exept for the leaves. I’m composting those.

Featured image courtesy of meowcheese.com

5 thoughts on “Bitch at the Dogpark or Antisocial Behavior (3922-3946)

  1. Pingback: Under the Weather | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

  2. Pingback: Vicious Dog Warning (4508-4536) | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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