Titty Twister (3785-3794)

I don’t know why I’m thinking about boobs today. I mean, I think about them all the time, but this article in the paper really cracked me up.

IMG_0269 IMG_0270

Wow. What a saucy vixen! criminal offender. I swear I wasn’t anywhere near Longmont yesterday, or Lemony’s boobs. Heheh.

I couldn’t go to Longmont because we are on day three of snow. It’s awesome to get this much precipitation, especially given last year’s horrific fire season, but it’s hard to imagine that in little over a month my boys will be out on summer break. Between the iffy driving and my sore neck, I’m stuck in home fielding hate mail from my nemesis. Will the tortures never cease?

IMG_0463

The dog is staying warm under a double layer of blankets and Zeb’s coat. He’s snoring right now. It sounds like someone slurping coffee in your ear. Nice, huh?

Oh, what’s with my neck? I hurt it. It was super gnarly.

ice-skating-accident

Nice Piledriver on Ice.

I took off a sweater and something went boink. I hate getting old. Hate. It. You know what else I hate? Googling image searching “piledriver”, there is some really disturbing stuff on the internet.

And don’t image search “ouch” either. I feel like I need a child filter on my computer to protect my innocent eyes. Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore.

Oh for the days of an indestructible body. And it’s not like I’ve let myself go. I work out, I stretch, I eat right, yet all it takes to throw my spine out is taking off a sweater. So if you see me at a coffee shop, don’t bum out if I don’t turn around when you call my name. I can’t turn my fucking head.

Anyway, speaking of strange and unusual treatment of breasts, check this out.

Classic.

Cushie invited me to Mexico last winter to attend a friend’s wedding. In preparation I watched Bridesmaids, you know, to get some ideas. After seeing the movie I called immediately to tell her that I sincerely hope that nothing that happened in the movie should happen to us.

I’m relieved to report the weekend went off without a hitch. Except that one of the groom’s men got wasted and took suggestive dancing too far. So cliché.

I felt like I was being humped by a dog. Kind of like this.

Warning! This is offensive.

Notice the lack of interest coming from the small dog. Totally me. And the poor technique on the part of the big dog? I rest my case.

Anyway, I’m having a strange home day and I totally can’t talk about it. But you know when something is about to give and all signs point towards destruction? I’m trying to stave it off with a Marg. It’s a double. To my benefit, it made my youtube search for “big dog humping small dog” really amusing but this is a very inappropriate drunk post. Very. My next task is to make dinner without accidentally cutting off my hand.

Back to the wedding, I probably should not have mentioned that I teach pole dance. I swear, there are some situations where it is best to keep quiet about that.

Anyway, time to cut the crap. And make dinner. Wish me luck.

IMG_0465

I’m selling these Vibram shoes on eBay because they are in great used condition. They are small W34 and 37 and I want $25 for them. I don’t know why I’ve got so much Opium perfume, I can’t remember buying it. Surely they are both at least 15 years old. It’s my friend Marcia’s signature scent and I like it because it reminds me of her so I’m giving it to her, the rest is getting donated.

2 thoughts on “Titty Twister (3785-3794)

Leave a Reply