Double Team (3713-3722)

I got a taste for what my summer is going to look like today. I am already terrified.

I decided we are going to forgo summer camps and spend the money on something constructive, like tutoring. My mom always told me that I’d never amount to anything if I didn’t master math, which I never did and look at me now!  I showed her.

She loved to threaten me with a tutor but never actually got me one and I thought I got off easy. In retrospect, I wish she had but I’m not blaming her because it’s expensive and we were poor. My mom did the best she could, which was a lot. Love ya, mom!

Fast forward to me being an adult who has a kid that struggles with reading and needs a tutor, and I’m going to do it because I can. But I can’t hire a tutor and send my kids to summer camp so I’ll choose a miserable summer for myself if it means a smooth school year for my boys. How Asian mother of me. I try.

Instead of camps, we are going to be spending a lot of time at the dog park, like we did today. I took the boys to a birthday party where they got hepped up on Izze sodas and four kinds of desserts. The inevitable fallout is that Testiclese fixated on whatever his brother was into. Sensing an opportunity, Scrotus dug in and refused to let his brother look at the chosen object of desire. In today’s case, it was a book.

Testy responded with hysteria and got timed-out on stairs while Scrotus serenely examined his book like some kind of scholar. That kid is the king of passive aggression whereas Testy is more of an aggressive aggression type. Isn’t it so great that they inherited my best personality traits?

I can see both of their points of views. They are both assholes.

Since the dog was doing that thing where he kept looking at me, I took everyone to the dog park. I really need to get a smartphone, preferably one with video. If you thought yesterday’s man-on-man water fight was awesome, you should have seen Blue get double teamed at the park.

It looked like this, but with Blue in the middle with Mastiff working his head while a mutt kept hopping up to try to tap his backside.

It looked kind of like this, but with really big dogs. Blue was in the middle, a Mastiff worked his head while a mutt kept hopping up to try to tap his backside. Blue is so passive that he kind of took it.

Maybe it’s because he’s so tall and handsome, but something about him makes other males want to dominate him. It can’t be his penis size because it’s tiny. Like embarrassingly small. Tabby’s chihauhua has a much more impressive package than Blue. Not that I’m looking.

There were lots of people at the park, including a very nervous mother who was trying to explain what was going on to her curious son. I felt for her, but at least I wasn’t responsible for the shit-show. It’s not my fault that Blue sure does have a purdy mouth. The mastiff took to resting his head on Blue’s back (while humping) and depositing copious amounts of frothy drool all over him which kind of looked like something else, if you know what I mean.

The mastiff’s owner pulled her dog off for the thousandth time and Blue ambled up to a couple college age girls who got all cooey over him. The one pet his back and then looked at her besmirched hand in horror. She was like, “Do you think that stuff is, well, you know?” and I was like, “You mean jizz? Dog jizz? I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure.”

So this is what I have to look forward to, finding ways to disentangle the boys when they are locked in conflict, watch the dog get mounted repeatedly at the dog park, and try to stay sane. Maybe I’ll amuse myself by making a compilation video of Blue’s attempts at l’amour. Or not.

Fuck it, I’m just tired. Time to cut the crap.


Cute vintage shirt the boys never wore. eBay.


Target sweater, it has a hole in it. DONATE.




Holes in knees. TRASH.


Outgrown, DONATE.


These are my underpants. That’s right, my undies. The elastic irritates me. TRASH or HIGHEST BIDDER.




I will never find your mate. Never. TRASH.




Small and stained. DONATE.

5 thoughts on “Double Team (3713-3722)

  1. Ahh, yes-the dog park. I will actually write an article on this, I think. You’ll have to tune in, because it features mounting! I won’t write it all here, as your readers, I’m sure -aren’t all dog people, and would get bored of my comment! 🙂

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