Today I felt young again.
I walked over to Illegal Pete’s for a breakfast burrito and as usual they had the stereo blasting. I heard what I initially recognized to be the guitar riff from M.I.A.’s Paper Planes and got all psyched.
Then … What? That’s not M.I.A. singing, it’s some guy who sounds like Joe Strummer from The Clash, but they aren’t making music anymore and Joe Strummer is dead so WTF? So who is sampling M.I.A. and sound just like The Clash?
I’m going to blame this on caffeine withdrawal and low blood sugar. Without the buffet and having to walk the dumb dog at the crack of fucking dawn, I’m not seeing to my own personal needs.
I don’t think I’m particularly funny, but some people do and here’s why. I say stuff without thinking first. So, of course, I said to the guy making my burrito, “Geez, that guy singing over the Paper Planes sample sounds just like The Clash.”
And he just stared at me, like he felt sorry for me and I was like “… and that would be because this is The Clash and M.I.A. sampled Straight to Hell.” and he was like, “Right.”
For a moment I had that youthful perspective that nothing notable ever happened before my time. Not like The Clash was before my time or anything, I just kind of forgot, which means I was simultaneously having a teen and a senior moment. A teenior moment. Embarrassing.
But not as embarrassing as when I was at Falafel King and this older black man in a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and straw hat in front of me was having problem getting his order right. He had the most beautiful speaking voice ever; it was deep, rich, and accented from the South. I intervened to help with his order (I’m nice to old people) and then, with my ear for raw talent I said to him, “Mister, I don’t know what you do but I hope it involves your voice.”
He turned towards me, dropped his head to look over his sunglasses, and fixed me with a silent “Really?” look and I was like, “Oh. You’re Taj Mahal. Nailed it!”
I really ought to stop talking. Time to cut the crap.
More yarn. DONATE.
A spool of ribbon that doesn’t look like anything I would buy. Maybe Zeb did? DONATE.
Blown out kid’s shoes. TRASH.
I got these for gardening but they leave strange bruises on my shins, like I need more bruises. Pole dancing has me looking like an abused woman. They’ve been on the porch so much that they look like crap and probably have a nest of Black Widows living in the toes. TRASH.
Fuzee beads. TRASH.
This came from Mexico, we found it at the airport. Welcome to America! TRASH.
LEGO Bratz for girls. Awesome. TRASH.
Featured image courtesy of www.memecenter.com