Today I vacuumed screens in the sun room. It’s what I imagine the Perfect Housewives of Boulder County doing and loving every minute. I choose to believe they all have housekeepers and should give myself a pass. Who does this on a regular basis? Is anyone really that clean all the time? How did all these spiderwebs get in here?
Cato asked me if I ever considered getting a housekeeper. I find this deeply amusing. For one, housecleaners get paid more than I ever have, and I have a college degree, albeit a useless one. What’s the going rate for a service these days? $25-$30 an hour? How much do the actual laborers get after the white person running the business takes their cut off the top? It just doesn’t seem right.
Two, how do I explain to my kids that we are too good to clean our own toilets? Do I really want to instill that value in them? The only thing more obnoxious than a kid sending back their fillet mignon because it isn’t cooked to their liking is one who has the attitude of “Let the maid clean it up.” Oh hells no.
If you have a housekeeper, don’t feel bad or think I think I am better than you. I’m just jealous and making lemonade.
We’ve had lots of housemates over the years, many being young women from wealthy families. I genuinely liked these girls but couldn’t believe how much time they on their personal grooming. I don’t know what the hell they were doing in the bathroom but it took forever.
They were perfectly straightened and made up but their bathrooms were disgusting, there rooms were never vacuumed or picked up. One such young lady (while watching me clean the kitchen) said, “I really ought to have you teach me how to clean.” I just looked at her, then at the sponge in my hand, and was like, “Really?”
And it’s not just the girls, one male housemate actually stood there and chatted me up while I was on my hands and knees washing the floor. Did I mention I was nine (9) months pregnant? I swear if I had been a little bit more agile, I would have kicked his ass. Instead I just stayed down there.
So help me God, if my boys ever let a pregnant woman clean while they stood by and did nothing, I might just have to get all medieval on their buttocks.
The problem is our housemates had housekeepers growing up (except for Kate, that smart cookie got them to pay her to clean the house, my idea BTW). They never had to do anything for themselves, except ace the SATs. One young roomy was talking to me while Zeb vacuumed loudly in the other room. She made a petulant face and said, “Uh! What’s that noise?!” all irritated. I was like, “It’s a vacuum.” Really, she didn’t know what a vacuum sounded like. (As an aside, she is extremely successful now and I’m writing a blog about being buried in crap. I’m not sure what the takeaway lesson is.) Herein lies the problem.
I’ve had brief periods (before children) when I had someone clean my house. I won’t lie, it was awesome, but I saw the wastefulness in paying for something that I could do myself. One woman had a Ph.D. in physics from Poland. She recently moved to the US took whatever work she could while her husband studied at CU. I felt like I should be cleaning her toilets.
I am used to cleaning up after myself and others. Cleaning houses was my first job when I was in high school. We clean our short-term rentals between each tenants so I am essentially a chambermaid with a fancy title. I’m looking forward to enlisting the boys in the family business because it will be good for them. Future girlfriends/roommates/spouses – you’re welcome.
Time to cut the crap.