Don’t Pole Drunk (2698-2710)


I had some friends over after a big day of purging. I was totally ready for a drink and some relaxing once everyone showed up. Zeb made super tasty Gin Rickeys with all the leftover limes and next thing you know I’m on the pole.

Shawn is one super macho dude. The boys think he’s dope because he wears cowboy boots, is 6’5 and carries a pretty cool knife at all times. Hombre is 100 percent man.

Most of my gatherings involve someone getting on the pole and I was pretty stoked to learn the Ayesha the other day so I had to show off a little and since Shawn was all, “I can do anything you can do,” I decided to let him take a stab at it.

Just for the record, I have only taught beginning classes. This is me being irresponsible. I would never ridicule a student into trying something scary, unless we made a bet that involved him painting my house. Heheh.

Time to cut the crap.

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This is a five gallon bucket of honeycomb from our hive. We failed to harvest one fall and the bees took advantage of the surplus to breed some more queens and swarm. Honey was never our goal, we wanted to provide pollinators for the neighborhood, so in that way our beekeeping experiment was a success. Some of the bees set up house in a hollow tree down the street. We’d like to try again, though. FREE.

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These cartoons have been taped to my fridge for years. Monty (which was Robotman back then) was clipped in 1996. That means this little cartoon has followed me around to four refrigerators. Amazing. It’s still funny though, tell me you haven’t found yourself in this situation. RECYCLE.

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This one has only been around since 2008. Still, you get used to looking at stuff. Things stick around forever and you get unconscious about it. I am clearing the visual clutter so RECYCLE.

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A blow up bopper that has gone flaccid and a sheath for a Halloween sword that Shawn broke during the evening’s battle royale. TRASH.

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Cute little 70s terrycloth shorts. Too small for me (like I would ever rock these). Zeb will sell them.

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Snorkels and a mask that doesn’t fit. Don’t worry, we  have more. DONATE.

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A nifty swim vest for small children. It would work for a 3 year-old, though maybe 5 years? Depending on size of child. DONATE.

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After my divorce I did what all women do. I cut my hair and made handbags. This is a poor man’s copyright. I don’t think I will be needing that anymore.

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I sold my bags at craft fairs. Here’s my money and receipt box. GONE.

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Everything about these suck. From the crackers that don’t crack, to the shitty plastic gifts inside that go straight to the landfill. I’m gonna let this be on someone else’s conscience. DONATE.

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Another travel Scrabble. You have no idea how many Scrabble games we have. Yours for $5.

19 thoughts on “Don’t Pole Drunk (2698-2710)

  1. Damn, even half-drunk that was an awesome Ayesha! I haven’t tried it in split grip yet, but I might have to since elbow grip just doesn’t feel safe to me 🙂

    • Thanks Nina! Split grip is much easier, which is why you are learning the hard way first so you don’t get lazy. Me? I’m too old for everything to be hard. I just wanna have fun! I can handspring into it, BTW, I was just too drunk.

      • Ugh, handsprings still terrify me, even if I got into one with some serious double spotting just to see how it feels. I just can’t commit to kicking all the way up, even if I know I’m strong enough to hold myself when I get there.. Oh well, one day!

  2. What ? you can handspring into it? thats amazing!!! I am so impressed. split grip always seems easier to me for stuff..I wont be trying it soon in any case as I have 3 torn muscles at the moment from doing the splits and need to bsck off for a long while. boo. I will take your travel scrabble too, just save it for me and lets get together!

    • Travel Scrabble is YOURS! Yes, I can handspring into it, it’s one of those “go for it” moves, you have to commit, commit, commit. Boo on the torn muscles. Oh my God. That sucks. I would love to see you sometime.

    • They were just those bags that EVERYONE made out of juice pouches. I produced and wholesaled them for a short period of time. Long enough to convince me that I never want to be in production.

    • You know what, you are small enough that they just might fit. 4″11′? I’m not gonna say that’s why you are so awesome on the pole (that’s just hard work) but it is one of the activities that benefits from petiteness. Send me your address and they’re yours!

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