Pamcakes sent me this picture from beneath her son’s pillow, this is what he sleeps on every night. I’m waiting for the day when he comes over with an action figure embedded in his forehead. He’s Testy’s BFF and does what most kids like to do, he collects favorite things and holds them close.
Being an accountant she provided me with an itemized list: 4 regular size books, 3 minis books by Maurice Sendak (I offloaded them onto her), Boy Scout neckerchief, 5 squinkie things in their little containers, Legos, Lego figurines, 2 golf tees, 2 beanie babies, Binoculars, Multiple Countryside craft projects, 3 plastic safari animals, Protective eye goggles, 4 crayons, Homemade crayon holder, and 2 handkerchiefs.
My boys do a similar thing, their beds are like packrat nests full of little treasures. I don’t know how to discourage this or if I should even try. I think hoarding is a very natural human inclination born of the need to protect against scarcity. How ironic that the more we have, the emptier we feel.
But why burden children with adult worries? Will they understand or will I become the parent who denies modest sweets only to create an unnatural obsession with candy? I try to teach my boys about what it means to value something and how having too much can obscure the things you truly love, but I don’t want to be a major drag either.
I imagine they will either take up my minimalist ways or they will rebel and go in the opposite direction. Either way, it is their path to choose. I can only live my life the way that suits me best.
Speaking of Pamcakes, she took a very important item off my hands. She has a couple colleagues that are locked in a gross-out contest. It started with a discussion about the toenail fungus that one of them has (a guy, natch). His female colleague said something stupid like, “How bad could it be?” which led to him ripping the fucking thing off his foot and depositing it in her work mailbox. I guess it is that gross.
Of course, I am like, How bad can it be? and I might end up with it in my mailbox, but I’m kind of hoping it will just be a picture of it in my email inbox. Pamcakes assured me that it is that gross. But it’s a toenail? How bad can it be (I said it again). Is it slimy? What’s so gross about it? Everyone in the office agrees it’s nasty, I guess they all paid a visit to it when getting their mail.
Anyway, her other coworker retaliated by putting a rotten shrimp in his inbox. So he decided to one-up her by strolling past her desk while eating the rotten shrimp. The whole office is in on it now. It’s a respected CPA firm and they are in the weeds with tax season. I suppose they need something to cut the monotony.
Now it’s female co-worker’s turn to up the ante so she went to Pamcakes for a little brainstorming and they agreed that a dreadlock would take it to the next level and Pamcakes was like, “I can get you one by morning.”
Such swagger! She wasn’t even thinking about the fact that she was coming to my house for dinner that night. I gave her a big, juicy one. I can’t wait for an update.
We had some fun with the dreadlock before she bagged it up and took it home. Alcohol was involved.
I started off by giving her this one, but when I realized the gravitas of the situation, I supersized her.
A fine looking specimen, no?
Fun with dreadlocks!
Zeb is all Snidely Whiplash
Rachel looks inspired
She’s running with it now!
And the winner is Heidi! (I can obscure your face if you this no longer seems like a good idea). I’m saving this picture for another one of my hare-brained ideas, TBA.
Oh, I guess the dreadlock counts as one item. Here’s the rest of the crap.
We have sooo many of these. The ones here are simply duplicates. This is what people buy when they are afraid their kid isn’t smart enough. They buy them and then they don’t use them. They cost a shitload and we get them in unopened condition. We aren’t that great about working with our kids, either. Zeb brings them home all, “This will help Testy with his reading!” and I’m like, “They won’t help him if you never use them.” They piss me off, just sitting there reminding me of what an inadequate parent I am. DONATE.
More Harry Potter CDS, a bag of cancelled stamps and a giant cock ring. Or maybe it goes to a magic set. I don’t care. DONATE.
I like the idea of a stamp collection for some reason but is that ever going to happen? SURE! Well maybe, okay probably not. No. I’m going to give them to someone who does found art pieces on Freecycle.
Busted plastic weapons, a foam bopper, a maple block that got separated from the set. TRASH.
I don’t think this record will work with tape on it and I’m not risking gunking up a needle to find out if I got it clean and why bother because it’s a scratched up piece of crap. TRASH.