The boys are learning the Star Spangled Banner in school these days. Isn’t that nice? All I hear are tone-deaf renditions of our national anthem morning, noon and night. They fucking love that song. I don’t get it. I mean, it’s a nice song and all but geez, what a beast to sing and they never get the words right which drives me insane but in order to correct them I have to sing it and I don’t want to sing it anymore.
I. DON’T. WANT. TO.
Please mommy, please, please, please!!!
We were running errands and on the fourth migraine inducing attempt to make it through the first verse I decided to float some new songs. “Hey guys, let’s learn something new!”
Since I’m going through records and I just saw one of my fave albums of all time, Tears for Fears Songs From The Big Chair, I busted into “Shout, shout, let it all out!” thinking they’d dig the shouting part. Crickets. What would Zeb approve of?
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh no no no no no!
Kids: “Mama? What does sedated mean?”
Me: “It’s what we do to the dog to keep him from biting little girls when we have people over.”
Kids: “Well I don’t like that song.”
Me: “Why not?!? It’s THE RAMONES! We’re talking classic rock guys. Total required listening. I can play it on the ukulele!”
Kids: “But we like the Star Spangled Banner. It’s pretty.”
Me: “It is, but it’s sooo hard to sing. (pause, not thinking) You know who sang it beautifully? Whitney Houston.”
Kids: “Who is she?”
Me: “A famous singer, but she just, uh, died.”
Kids: “How?” (of course)
Me: “Well, you know how we sedate the dog? It was something kind of like that but it went wrong and … OH LOOK! WE’RE HERE!” Whew.
Stuff from the freezer and pantry.
Rice paper wrappers for spring rolls. Sorry, but they never taste as good when I make them at home as they do when I get them from Chez Thuy. Plus, you really need to make a bunch of them but who wants to eat a whole buttload of them? All you really want is two. COMPOST.
I don’t know why this is in the pantry, I always keep my yeast in the fridge or freezer.
Whoa, does that say expired in 2002? Shit. This sucker went through the damn fire! (The kitchen wasn’t affected except for water damage and that structural condemnation thing.) Shame.
Idiotic crap in the freezer. Otter Pops come in several flavors based upon their colors: Anti-Freeze, Tidybowl, Urine, Agent Orange and Red Number 7. They taste like it too. Gogurt is an abomination. Why are there Rolos in my freezer? I did not buy those. GONE.
Chocolate chips and shredded coconut from the pantry. All open. All at least 2 years old, since being opened. I don’t bake. My mother-in-law bakes. This is what ends up in my cabinet after she leaves. COMPOST.
I think Jefe got these for a camping trip when he lived here four years ago. They are so dry that they crumble in the wrapper. COMPOST.
I am terrified of this stuff. It’s a block of shrimp paste that smells like death despite being frozen and in plastic. I got it to make panang curry paste a long time ago. Party in the compost pile!
Kimchee pepper that my mom gave me, I’m not kidding, during my first marriage. More storage containers. TRASH.
Zeb brought these glasses home one day. Actually, they are jelly jars. He claims to like them, despite the fact that they violate his non-stacking rule. RECYCLE (because they are jars).
Featured image courtesy of: www.rockmerch.com