I Wanna Be Sedated (2583-2601)

The boys are learning the Star Spangled Banner in school these days. Isn’t that nice? All I hear are tone-deaf renditions of our national anthem morning, noon and night. They fucking love that song. I don’t get it. I mean, it’s a nice song and all but geez, what a beast to sing and they never get the words right which drives me insane but in order to correct them I have to sing it and I don’t want to sing it anymore.

I. DON’T. WANT. TO.

Please mommy, please, please, please!!!

We were running errands and on the fourth migraine inducing attempt to make it through the first verse I decided to float some new songs. “Hey guys, let’s learn something new!”

Since I’m going through records and I just saw one of my fave albums of all time, Tears for Fears Songs From The Big Chair, I busted into “Shout, shout, let it all out!” thinking they’d dig the shouting part. Crickets. What would Zeb approve of?

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh no no no no no!

Kids: “Mama? What does sedated mean?”

Me: “It’s what we do to the dog to keep him from biting little girls when we have people over.”

Kids: “Well I don’t like that song.”

Me: “Why not?!? It’s THE RAMONES! We’re talking classic rock guys. Total required listening. I can play it on the ukulele!”

Kids: “But we like the Star Spangled Banner. It’s pretty.”

Me: “It is, but it’s sooo hard to sing. (pause, not thinking) You know who sang it beautifully? Whitney Houston.”

Kids: “Who is she?”

Me: “A famous singer, but she just, uh, died.”

Kids: “How?” (of course)

Me: “Well, you know how we sedate the dog? It was something kind of like that but it went wrong and … OH LOOK! WE’RE HERE!” Whew.

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Stuff from the freezer and pantry.

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Rice paper wrappers for spring rolls. Sorry, but they never taste as good when I make them at home as they do when I get them from Chez Thuy. Plus, you really need to make a bunch of them but who wants to eat a whole buttload of them? All you really want is two. COMPOST.

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I don’t know why this is in the pantry, I always keep my yeast in the fridge or freezer.

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Whoa, does that say expired in 2002? Shit. This sucker went through the damn fire! (The kitchen wasn’t affected except for water damage and that structural condemnation thing.) Shame.

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Idiotic crap in the freezer. Otter Pops come in several flavors based upon their colors: Anti-Freeze, Tidybowl, Urine, Agent Orange and Red Number 7. They taste like it too. Gogurt is an abomination. Why are there Rolos in my freezer? I did not buy those. GONE.
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Chocolate chips and shredded coconut from the pantry. All open. All at least 2 years old, since being opened. I don’t bake. My mother-in-law bakes. This is what ends up in my cabinet after she leaves. COMPOST.

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I think Jefe got these for a camping trip when he lived here four years ago. They are so dry that they crumble in the wrapper. COMPOST.

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I am terrified of this stuff. It’s a block of shrimp paste that smells like death despite being frozen and in plastic. I got it to make panang curry paste a long time ago. Party in the compost pile!

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Kimchee pepper that my mom gave me, I’m not kidding, during my first marriage. More storage containers. TRASH.

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Zeb brought these glasses home one day. Actually, they are jelly jars. He claims to like them, despite the fact that they violate his non-stacking rule. RECYCLE (because they are jars).

Featured image courtesy of: www.rockmerch.com

10 thoughts on “I Wanna Be Sedated (2583-2601)

  1. I dislike all national anthems. However I despise the English one most- its the ugliest, dreariest, most redundant boring piece of crap that could come out of someones mouth. I totally refuse to swear allegiance to the sit-on-her-royal-arse- eating -taxpayers-money queen and have not sung it since I was 16. When I was in training to be an officer in the army this was a problem, so I quit.

    USA one is better. But I still dont want to hear it- I think Whitney is a much better idea- I wanna dance with somebody!

    • You? In the military? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I could see that working out if you were the drill sergeant but otherwise, no. You should name your next dog Maggot.

      • Yep – I wanted to be a pilot. I passed all the physical shit they put you through and bailed on the second day of ‘officer school’ when I realized they might make me sing the national anthem on a regular basis….that and the fact I had to listen to some pompous arse sprouting on about rubbish. I hot footed it outta there and back to mucking out stables. One of my better decisions.

  2. Jelly Jars = Wine Glasses in our household. My heart went into palpitations wondering where the wine would go. I calmed down and realized that you are a much more classy woman and probably have nice wine glasses that you use. Alas, I always break the stems and lose all that precious wine. Random notes aside – I am a new follower to your blog and get a great laugh. Thanks for the daily smile.

    • Classy? Me? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And thank you! I’ve got wine glasses coming out the hooha because Zeb finds cases of them at estate sales. Stemmed, stemless, you name it. The reason I don’t like THESE jelly jars is that they don’t have lids. How are you supposed to take your drink “to go” without a friggin’ lid? Bonne Maman brand jam makes the best “roady” jars hands down. Thank you for reading my blog!

  3. Apropos of nothing except your mention in passing of “Shout”… I’ve been watching youtube vids of some of my own ’80s faves. Obscure trivia challenge: does the name Dee C. Lee mean anything to you? Name that band!

    • I am ashamed to admit that the name didn’t ring a bell, but I Lougled her and saw that she is associated with some great 80s band, least of all being The Style Council. What’s your favorite song?

      • Snookered you again, huh? I assume you meant to say “not least of all…” I was/am a big Weller/Jam/Style Council fan but until now I’d never checked out the lineup of youtube videos. Dee C. Lee, omg! Such a presence onstage, the woman was mezmerizing even though musically her contribution was limited to vocals. Fave song? Don’t know, “Shout to the Top”? Or for maximum Dee C. (& Weller’s famously enigmatic lyrics) maybe “The Lodgers”? & “Walls Come Down,” of course, as a great political anthem of the times, then & now…

        • My favorite song is “Paris Match” though I’m not sure she’s the vocalist on it. Love that song. Didn’t snooker me, once I looked at your handle. You must be in Montana?

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