Super Colon Blow (3416-3440)

Some people have pointed out a scatological interpretation of my blog title. Whatever floats your boat. Today I’m gonna go there. I’m having serious problems with the giant dog in that arena. We got him from the rescue organization with several bags of fancy-schmancy food that cost a fortune. I kept buying the stuff because […]

Unhappy Hour (3406-3415))

Unhappy Hour: Wherein one patronizes a restaurant/bar in search of a good deal and ends up spending $75 on fried food and watered down drinks, leaving feeling bloated and wondering if you wouldn’t have been better off staying home. It was such a beautiful day that I felt compelled to take the kids to happy […]

Shoe Shaming (3393-3405)

I have wicked Plantar Fasciitis. It’s when the arch of your foot feels like it is about to snap and it’s a bitch to get rid of. Good shoes and custom footbeds are imperative if you ever want to walk again. Lately I’ve been wearing Boggs and my foot pain came back. In a fit […]

Smell The Glove (3382-3392)

Posting pictures of my piles of stuff of is very much like dogshaming, only I call it vivshaming. All those useless things I’ve accumulated over the years are like giant, steaming turds on the carpet. I play dual schizophrenic roles of the contrite dog and the furious um, animal guardian (this is Boulder, you’ll get […]

A Gesture of Love (3369-3381)

I stopped wearing a wedding ring years ago. Zeb bought me the most beautiful vintage ring when we got married, it was at least 100 years old and Georgian. It seemed fitting that I should have an estate ring, it was in harmony with how I saw myself at the time, kind of beat up […]

Water and Old Houses (3353-3368)

I dreamt I was going through my closet and getting rid of stuff (purging in my dreams, fuck yah!) and it was just getting nice and airy in there when I noticed the sound of trickling water. Are you a homeowner? Do you have an old house? If you do, you know how panic inducing […]

Spring Break Purgatory (3321-3352)

It’s the first day of Spring Break and I already feel like I am in purgatory. We got dumped on today which makes me happy for the water table but sad for my sorry ass. Already my kids are driving me crazy and I don’t even have one down, with nine to go. The dog […]

Muffin Top Enhancing Technology (3121-3220)

I stopped by REI today to pick out a new swimsuit, my go-to suit is five years old and wearing thin. The super expensive Vitamin A suit I bought for pole dancing will never get wet. Ever. And the suit I bought a couple months ago just doesn’t look as good on me as I […]

Our Marriage Will Survive … For Now (2769-3120)

Today Doug from Absolute Vinyl came by to start on the basement with us. What a nice man. Zeb and I had been feuding over digging into the basement and I had been giving him the silent treatment for the last 12 hours. The tension was pretty thick. Doug has seen this marital dynamic before […]

Crazy Dog Lady … and She’s Not Me (2711-2768)

I decided to delve into a lovely episode from my past since I’m clearing stuff off the refrigerator door. Right about the time we got Blue a woman (I’ll call her Tara) showed up in our lives. Blue was very sketchy back then but she took one look at him and opened the gate to […]