Unsolicited Insults (1986-1995)

We had a whopper of a storm yesterday but today was perfect for a hike with Big Blue. I had him on leash when an older man crested the hill ahead of me. I pulled my earbuds out and stopped to be sociable. He was smiling and (seemed) friendly and said, “Nice dog. What’s that funny thing he does with his front foot. Is it because he’s excited?”

Me: It’s just a left-over nervous tick. He’s kind of neurotic.

Him: You know what Deepak Chopra says, “There’s no such thing as a neurotic pet. Just a neurotic owner.”

Excuse me? Did you just insult me?

Me (flabbergasted): He’s a rescue dog, he had a tough start.

Him: That’s right. Blame someone else.


Me (taking a deep, cleansing breath): We’ve been working with him and he’s come a long way since we got him from the non-profit rescue organization.

Him: Well, he’s a good-looking dog. Have a nice day!

Me: Um. Sure.

I am so confused by people like this. This dude has no idea who I am. We’re just walking along, nice as can be on a sunny day. Blue is leashed and not pulling or acting strange or anything. Mr. Superior felt entitled to blow all this judgement on me for no reason. And he smiled the entire time!

That’s what confused me. If he had been all agro or something it would have made sense, but he was smiling like Mr. Rogers at me while telling me that I was neurotic, the cause of my dog’s problems and I not taking personal responsibility. Where do people get off? I’m never quick enough with a comeback. I should have told him to take his Deepak Chopra and shove it up his ass. Or at least read it again, he might learn something about compassion.

I’m used to the opposite, like, “How selfless of you to take the time and effort to rehabilitate this poor animal. Thank you!” or “Let me give him a dog massage.

The truth is, I adopted Blue because I fell in love with him. He was such a bundle of nerves and fear and I could tell he loved me, or at least he was really happy to be around me. The dog totally suckered me. I wasn’t being altruistic or anything, I just fell in love. But if you want to think I am a saint, go right ahead.

If you want to take a giant dump on a total stranger, you can go fuck yourself.


This is in my bedroom, where the magic happens!


The boys don’t like this shirt because the placket is too stiff. But I keep putting it back in the drawer and they keep rejecting it. Seriously, life is too short for this kind of shit. Donating.


We found this Skippy John Jones toy in the street. It really ought to have stayed there.


I’m going to put these in a box for Alicia and her daughter who isn’t feeling well.



(Featured image courtesy of http://www.lolntroll.com/thank-you-for-sharing/)

8 thoughts on “Unsolicited Insults (1986-1995)

  1. Dude, he was flirting with you! He was trying to be funny and flirt. Have you been out of the game that long that you thought he was actually insulting you??? Take it as a compliment – even if awkward – and move on. You neurotic psychopath! 🙂

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