Insufferable Smugness (1220-1336)

Zeb sent me a nifty blog about unplugging so you don’t miss your children’s childhoods. It got me writing what – upon reflection – is an insufferable, holier-than-thou, sanctimonious treatise on why I am a superior parent. I’m gonna put it at the bottom if you want to have a nice laugh at my expense.

But the main event is the closet in my office. It’s not just my closet, this room once was Lonny’s and much of the stuff in it is his, but I’m guilty. It’s been barricaded by boxes and a chest but today I pulled up my big-girl pants and ventured into the void. Dear God, what a ton of crap! I hollowed out a good deal, put back what I didn’t get to, and you can’t really tell the difference. This is going to take a while.

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Can you believe it?

IMG_1261 This is what came out of the closet.

IMG_1258This is the pile of recycling generated today. GONE.

IMG_1262 I purchased a bulk order of Laptop Lunches so other parents at my son’s preschool could enjoy a discount. This many went unsold. These are the original ones (don’t work with Bento Buddies). I’m selling them for $15/piece. They are new and unused with red containers inside.

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Hats. Lots of hats. FREE. I have a large head.

IMG_1270Large scraps of knit fabric. The brown is a very soft rayon knit and the grey is a polyester knit. GONE.

IMG_1269 I can’t knit to save my life. The yarn is free. Inside the baggie is my third attempt to knit a baby hat. THIRD! No can do. The yarn is very soft and sweet, one has little white pom-poms. GONE.

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More split crotch pants for Natural Infant Hygiene/EC/DiaperFree infant training. Small (3-6 months). FREE.

IMG_1266 Random Engrish stuff from our pre-baby last hoorah to Thailand. FREE.

IMG_1265 “Love is never say sorry. Please say love me instead of sorry.” So wise.

IMG_1264 An early filing/accounting system. I got that stuff the heck outta here!

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Just some random crap. I’m donating it.

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Several large scrapbooks, some regular sized ones, lots of binders. I used to think binders were great. You know what’s great? My scanner. GONE.

IMG_1274More rando shit.

Now for the self-congratulatory parenting advice.

Zeb emailed me this blog about Hands Free Parenting and I wasn’t sure if it was a WAY TO GO! or a tsk-tsk. I am both to be commended for and guilty of everything in that blog. On the one hand, I check my computer first thing, but usually before my kids come downstairs. I sometimes leave the dinner table early to check my email. I have been known to shoo the kids away working on the computer. I used to push the stroller and talk on the phone when they were tiny. I don’t feel bad about this. A newborn sleeps all the time and I felt completely isolated.

But I NEVER answer the phone during a meal (that’s just rude) or when I’m with a friend unless I am expecting a call that I must take. I’m so absentminded about my phone that Lonny once asked me, “Why do you have a mobile phone if you never take it anywhere?” It’s also have the oldest phone ever. I can just barely text on it, I can’t get email, take a worthwhile photo, listen to music, play games, use apps, etc. I don’t Tweet. I got off Facebook.

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Do you know what I like the most about my phone? It makes kick-ass phone calls. I also love that it doesn’t bitch at me, alert me to incoming messages or tempt me to check my email, play Words With Friends or fuck around on the internet. Once I thought I lost it and shopped around for a new one. I couldn’t get excited about any smartphone, not even the iPhone. I was relieved when I discovered the old dinosaur in my car.

My phone is so boring that my kids barely know it exists. Almost every kid I know whose parents have a “smartphone” is always putting the screws to their parents. “But there are so many educational apps out there.” you say? You bet there are. Does anyone actually use them? Really? I’ve got a few languishing on my iPad which my kids get to use so rarely that they don’t bother to ask. Probably because there are only boring educational apps on it.

There have been many-a-meal out where I know that if I had an iPhone, I would have handed it over just so I could enjoy myself. It’s a slippery slope with those things.

My kids are interesting, in a kid way. We’ve had some great conversations in the car around town. My favorite time of the day with them is snuggling them before bed, catching up on current events. They are also annoying and irritating and drive me nuts at restaurants. But they are never going to stop being annoying if I refuse to parent them. Children need to be heard. They also need to learn how to wait their turn without having Angry Birds to keep them occupied. Unfortunately, there isn’t an app for that.

4 thoughts on “Insufferable Smugness (1220-1336)

  1. Ooh, can I claim the knit fabric? I just got a sewing machine for Christmas and need stuff to practice on that doesn’t cost me JoAnn’s prices:)

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