Divide and Conquer (1141-1162)

Today I’m tired of my role as the coordinator of all things household related, and it shows. Lonny and I do what we are good at. I’m good at keeping this house running, getting people to appointments on time, remembering to do things like schedule doctor visits, teacher conferences, making sure no one starves to death, reading report cards and checking Friday folders before Monday, etc., and basically paying attention to the big picture and making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to do. But I suck at making money.

Lonny is very good at making money, but not a natural with scheduling stuff or knowing what day of the week it is. Yesterday I got up early with the dog and farted around the kitchen, enjoying a moment to myself. Lonny woke up in a panic, shook the kids awake and hustled them into their clothes and down the stairs … at 7 am on a Saturday morning. It’s still dark out for chrissakes! Deep cleansing breaths.

We are a perfect team, our strengths and weaknesses are well balanced, but there are days (like this one) I get tired of feeling like I’m the only one who knows what the fuck is going on. What time is the birthday party? Do we have a present? Where is it? Where’s Micah? Is he going? I’m sure he gets equally tired of being the one to constantly keep on top of his sales, shipping, feedback, tracking, payment, employees, and the like. Not to mention the added pressure of me always riding his ass to get his stuff the hell out of here and being the sole provider. Domestic bliss? Not today.

We need a vacation. Together. Without the kids. I don’t want a girls’ weekend because I like my husband and the solution to our problem (if you can call having kids a problem, which is isn’t) isn’t spending time apart, it’s being able to spend time together. Not divide and conquer time, not try to create the most romantic night ever, but just hang out. I miss that.


22 hot, juicy items on the block. Actually, I do have a very hot and juicy item but I’m waiting for the right moment.

IMG_1233 An action figure that blends in perfectly with the carpet. GONE.

IMG_1232 A Gentle Leader that is too big for Blue. It reminds me of this horrible dog Lonny and I ran into at an estate sale. It was a totally out of control retriever that would not stop jumping on us. The owner kept saying in an annoying baby-talk voice, “Now get down. Do you want me to get your Gentle Leader?” (and never did) like it was some kind of goddamn threat. Since then I cringe at the words Gentle Leader and insist on calling it a Snout Lead. I’m giving this to Cara, she has mastiffs.

IMG_1231 Storage clip-board for kids. I’ve got ones for my boys so I’ll give this to a friend. Very useful.

IMG_1230I asked for a fanny pack, Lonny gave me this beast. It is very comfortable but I don’t know if I can handle ironic 80’s colors. eBay.

IMG_1229 More kitchen crap. I’ve kept the little broken cup around for ages. I don’t know why. Donate/trash.

IMG_1227 Butter cutters because it is so much effort to slice butter.

IMG_1226 Cute jeans that fit but have holes in them. The ones on the right were so cute on Micah. I just wanted to bite him every time he wore them. My new rule: NO RIPPED PANTS.

IMG_1225And the start of an ambitious project, to rid myself of my files. I’m starting with these eleven. I’m gonna scan and toss them.

5 thoughts on “Divide and Conquer (1141-1162)

  1. Pingback: Party in the Bathroom! (1163-1204) | verticalviv

  2. Oh man, can I empathize. I nearly destroyed my husband this morning as he texted me no fewer than 65 times grumbling about our cranky 2 year old while I was trying to work at the office, sort out my FMLA paperwork for baby #2 due next month, figure out what to cook for dinner, and adding “Call Pediatrician” to this week’s list of shit to do. It’s overwhelming.

    • Girl, don’t I know. Don’t you sometimes wonder how totally amazing it would be to mutter, not to anyone in particular, “I’m out of razors.” and the next day they MAGICALLY APPEAR! Wouldn’t that be great? It’s the life most married men lead and the incredible part is that most women don’t even have to write it down. We just remember stuff. Incredible. How do we do it? Did you text back, “FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT!!” I would have.

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