Testosterone Poisoning (1119-1140)

I’m having one of those put-upon-housewife/mother days where I feel chained to the stove. It’s not that bad, really, but I’m touchy because every time I turn my back the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it.

Me: What. The. Hell.

“We made sandwiches.”

Me: Thanks for not cleaning it up.

“I was about to but you always swoop in there and get to it first.”

Me: It’s been this way for three hours. How long am I supposed to calmly wait?

“I’m calmer than you are.”

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-f-f-f-f-f-uckkkkkyooooooouuuuuuu!!!!! (I didn’t actually say that.)

This isn’t an exact conversation, more of an amalgam of many conversations I’ve had over the years, often in my head. My greatest fear is that I will raise boys who will make someone miserable one day, someone they love. But I also resent being reduced to the role of shrill harpy that is always yelling at the guys to pick up their shit.

I don’t have to be shrill or yell, you say? Come on over here and show me how reasonable you are after living in a house with four males (not including the male cat and dog).

Perhaps a public blog isn’t the best venue for airing my grievances, you say? I’ve got that covered. No one in this house reads my blog! ha-HA!

I’m coming unhinged. I better cut to the chase.

 

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Today’s haul. I almost skipped it today because I was feeling overwhelmed. And then a couple friends emailed me a little rah-rah and I thought, I can’t disappoint my 12 followers!

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My lovely neighbor has a very hard time coming over empty-handed. These are silicone baking molds. I don’t bake. You know what I love? Supermarket sheet cake. I loooove it.

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Random Lego container pieces. I’m sure the mates will turn up and I’ll be thrilled to toss them, too. Also some kind of pastry piping thing, a stupid airplane/candy toy and a book light.

IMG_1215 Another snowglobe. My boys love them, until they forget they exist. A blown-glass stir stick from a set my grandmother had. I still have the glasses but the pitcher is MIA. Tiny glasses. Casey picked them up to put on his hippo. Hahahahaha cute. Gone.

IMG_1216 I thought this wooden plate would make a nice slump mold for my clay plates but because it is varnished, the clay won’t release. A random lid and a very heavy, low-capacity bowl I threw. FREE

IMG_1217 Alcohol Proof. Whatever that means.

IMG_1218 This was an experiment. It’s a hand-built porcelain vessel with “scales”. It was a total bitch to make and still came out riddled with cracks. I screwed the pooch on the glaze, too. Never walk into the glaze room feeling “experimental”. FREE

IMG_1220 I was inspired by The Secret of Roan Inish to make this little cradle. There was a wooden cradle, built like a boat, in the film that was home to a Selkie. I reproduced it in stonewear and, ignoring the advice of Andrew, picked up a hot glue gun and shells. I’m so ashamed. FREE

IMG_1221 I appliquéed clay seaweed to it. It would have been pretty without the stupid tchotch-tchke  shell business.

IMG_1222 “Sleep my ocean baby. My devotion lulls you. Life water nourishes you. My love buoys you.”

IMG_1223 More hot pads and a napkin. Not pictured, two water bottles. DONATE

10 thoughts on “Testosterone Poisoning (1119-1140)

  1. I love the ceramic bowl that you gave me already and that other one looks similar!
    Plus I love anything that you have made and are going to throw out- but I am getting greedy so wait and see if anyone else wants the home made ceramics haul – if not chuck them this direction! Oh and the wooden Board…….

    And on the kitchen mess- totally get that! I lived with 4 boys in University digs in Edinburgh. I swear that they would start using their frisbees as plates before they would wash one up- then when I complain it would be “what…I was just about to do the dishes…..”
    Then they would usually ask me if it was that time of the month……bell-ends!

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  2. I had a date tonight and geesh ! ,I, needed a laugh when I got home… The cradle and the slab build are experiments. We have those. Everyone does. At least you didn’t do a pour on the silicone pans and make elephant plates.

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