What my house feels like, but it isn’t boring and that’s worth something to me.
Today was a heartbreaker with the news of the school shooting. Part of me won’t dwell on it because I am afraid of the emotions it will bring out. The discourse on social media is a nightmare and I feel the need to take a big step back. As it so happened I was invited to perform at Boulder Integral, a place I have a hard time describing. Suffice to say that it is new-agey which is something I tend to shun given my past, but tonight it was something I really needed. There’s something about being around a group of people that are ready to expose their interior world, to reach out and hug one another, and to engage in full eye contact felt so right. We are so disassociated from each other with phones, texting, Facebook and Twitter being our main conduits of communication. The irony of me blogging about this is not lost on me.
In the middle of a toast we were asked to get into groups of three and talk about what home means to each of us. I described my home as electric, chaotic, creative, a freeway. I am trying to tame the chaos with my project but to what end? This conversation with two strangers helped me find my purpose, to create a sanctuary.
Home as sanctuary is hardly a new concept but I was surprised at how far my home space has gone from feeling safe and warm. Having two boys and a home business with multiple employees will do that, but that makes it all the more important that I carve out a space for myself that feels private and quiet. Perhaps that will be the end result of this exercise, to make a space that is just for me, where you can’t walk in uninvited. Where you aren’t able to drop your stuff on the floor and walk away. Where in this house will it be?