Mama’s Got A Brand New Pole


After a couple months of poling I finally broke down and got a pole for my house. You would be surprised at how easy it was to talk Lonny into it. Or maybe not. I got frustrated with how slow my progress has been in the pole arena, given that I can’t make it to as many classes as I would like to what with those kids and all. Sasha sealed the deal for me when she said, “All my instructors have a pole at home.” I want to be an instructor so …

Also, you can’t believe how many amazing strength exercises can be done on the pole. Not that I want to give up the weight room at the gym, but I am so excited to practice at home and build more sport specific strength. The neighbors (who can see it from the street) will just roll their eyes and say, “That Viv. What will she do next?” And the kids? They love it. They think it is the coolest toy ever and are already better on it than me. If you think that poling is too feminine check out Vladimir Karachunov and tell me you wouldn’t die to have this guy’s strength and agility. Dude is 100% masculine. And as the icing on the cake, I am ruining the boys for strip clubs. I can hear it now.

College dudes, “Hey Casey and Micah, whaddaya say we go to a titty bar?”

Casey & Micah, “Um, no. Those places just make me think about my mom and her friends. Yuck. Why don’t we start a men’s group instead.”

Casey and Micah’s future girlfriends …. you’re welcome.

So I got an X-Pole X-Pert on-line and it was delivered lickety-split. It’s tension mounted (which means don’t take a running jump at it, it will come down) and removable so I can take it down so as to not scandalize Lonny’s annual Boulder Bird Club (aka Senior Citizen) meeting. Sasha and Anthony came over to help me (do it for me) set it up the first time seeing as how they’ve set up endless poles at their studio and elsewhere.

Now I just need to draft some kind of legal notice along these lines: I am not responsible if you act like a jackass and fall on your head. And if you break something, you better fix it

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