The most traumatizing part of the appointment was taking the before pictures. Seriously, I think they may be more disturbing than the barfed up bunny but in the interest of full disclosure, here goes …
Before I show this to you, I just want to put the disclaimer out there that this is the most perfect vagina ever. I’m sure whoever’s it is never had kids.
Sonya isn’t the most spontaneous person I know so I was surprised when she pulled the trigger. Otherwise it would have been another one of those I-really-want-to-do-this-but-never-actually-do kind of thing.
I don’t like hugging. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it but I just don’t feel comfortable doing it … unless I am hugging a person that I know hates hugging more than I do then I hug them extra hard and long because then it turns into an act of aggression which is much more up my alley.
I just woke up from a barrage of tortured dreams that included: Trying to take dictation when I was only capable of remembering the last three words while typing onto an invisible keyboard Finding a teenage girl I was responsible for who kept moving higher and higher in a building with only stairs Talking her […]
Last night Itchy and I were talking about something and I said FTW and he was like, do you know what that means? Of course I do! It means For The Win, duh and he was like, no mom, it means that other word that starts with F … the World. FUCK THE WORLD? Oh shit. […]
We burned through a big stack of money a bunch of drinks while talking about shit I cannot for the life of me remember but I do remember not feeling jealous of Sideboob in France, for once.
Also because it would be tight in there, he wouldn’t be able to move much. And if he started squirming I could Kegel him into submission.
Loony comes home tomorrow and I have managed to make it through the last 10 days without killing any pets or engaging in any relationship extinguishing house projects.
No one can talk behind my back all like, “Did you know that Vivienne went to a crazy sex thing?” like it’s juicy gossip. It’ll be more like, “Duh, she totally blogged about it.”