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Thanks for the Blowjob!


This morning I saw my neighbor getting into her car and I thanked her for the cup of coffee she left for me after I used my snowblower to clear her sidewalk. She replied (yelling from across the street), “And thank YOU for the blowjob.” Did I mention she’s retired pediatric nurse practitioner and educator […]

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Last Drunk Post of the Year


A Bat Mitzvah was the perfect thing for me to do on NYE and still be able to be in bed and/or drunk posting by 9:00.

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Worst Case of Feather Nose


I had the most remarkable conversation with Scratchy. I’ve never seen a kid as brave as him. He told me all the things he was scared of, all the fears, anxieties and worries that CENTER AROUND FEAR OF DISPLEASING ME. Oh god.

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Pajama Jeans: The Good, the Rad and the Fugly


The final analysis on Pajama Jeans? I give them a thumbs up as long as you cover the waist with a top. They actually look great with a shirt over them as they lie very flat. They’d be better with an elastic waist but maybe I could grow an ass to hold them up.

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Yet Another Midlife Crisis


I realize that aside Asian characters are the most cliché thing for a non-Asian to get tattooed with (I am part Asian, but I’m not considering Vietnamese words because Haruki Murakami isn’t Vietnamese and Haruki Murakami written in English takes up too much space) birds are the next most cliché thing.

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Pajama Jeans


So imagine the horror on everyone’s face when I was at a gathering of my mother’s friends and something cracked me up and I started laughing uncontrollably and 10 year-old me burst out, “I THINK I’M STONED!”

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Things That Make Me Feel Better


Recently I had coffee with a friend who is in a difficult place. After an hour or so she said she was tired and wanted to take a nap, at 10am. I told her that she should go for a hike, take a real shower and not the BS “mom shower” that lasts 90 seconds, put […]